I'm Okay, You're Okay
Having been slashed to one hour the night before to accommodate the President of the United States, "American Idol" returns with two glorious hours of I'm Okay, You're Okay auditioning in Manhattan.
And who better to join Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell as guest judge than Carole Bayer Sager, singer/songwriter of "Arthur's Theme" aka "When You Get Caught Between the Moon and New York City":
When you get caught between the Moon and New York City
I know it's crazy, but it's true
If you get caught between the Moon and New York City
The best that you can do......
The best that you can do is fall in love
I always think it's better if you don't dwell too much on the lyrics. Besides, she also penned "A Groovy Kind of Love." And yet, when Ashanti Johnson auditions on the first day of tryouts in Manhattan, Carole Bayer Sager has the balls -- and by that we mean "artistic vision" (thank you so much Tom Hanks for this useful turn of phrase) -- to jump on the other judges' "you're too old-fashioned" bandwagon which, in fairness, Carole Bayer Sager may mean to be neo-ironic, given that she is sporting blue-tinted John Lennon glasses, a beehive hairdo and a poison green-ish shawl draped over a pants suit.
Speaking of neo-ironic, Ian Benardo wears a sad little strip of what was once a chinchilla to his audition to show the world how good he would look rich. On the other hand, he also demands "as a taxpaying American" to see Cowell's work visa, announces his intention to call National Geographic to let them know the Dodo bird is not extinct -- it's in the audition room -- and reveals that "Hollywood is New Jersey with celebrities -- not that great." All of which makes him my American Idol.
Benardo also mentions he has two therapists who he, mercifully for them, does not name.
Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie wannabes Amanda and Antonella make it through to Hollywood. The judges pronounce Antonella the better singer, though she'd tells them her BFF has the professionally trained voice. Simon advises her "when someone's down on the floor, kick them."
"Not my best friend, Simon," she replies with simple dignity. Okay, now SHE's my American Idol.
Sarah Goldberg has a new take on lousy singing, explaining she knows she's tone deaf, but her friends make fun of her about it all the time and she loves to sing.
"Even if I don't sing I can be the next American Idol," she explains patiently, like she's talking to four people with really old-fashioned ideas about a pop-singing competition.
"I've never sung before. So you can teach me how to sing. You don't have to sing to be an American Idol. Paris Hilton can't really sing."
The judges are mystified.
"She's not an American Idol," Randy says weakly of Hilton, totally missing Goldberg's salient point.
Besides, the judges send through to Hollywood a Canadian singer. How's that American Idol?
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