Multiple Choice Mistakes Mar 'American Idol'
Week No. 2 of How Did These People Make It To the Top 36 round on "American Idol."
(Performance night has been bumped from its regular Tuesday berth, to Wednesday, by President Barack Obama's Not Quite State of the Union Address.)
First, show host Ryan Seacrest asks the judges to impart their wisdom to this week's batch of 12 Idolettes - only three of whom will make it through to the next round of the singing competition. They are told to "come on now, bring it on (Randy Jackson), "do the best you can do" (Kara DioGuardi) and "pick the right song" (Paula Abdul), while Simon Cowell - the only judge worth listening to - notes it's too late for advice now because the Idolettes are just a few seconds away from singing. We rest our case.
Jasmine Murray is only chick to have survived Bikini Girl's Scorched Earth march through her group-sing during Hollywood Week. Sadly, Jasmine survives only to sing "Love Song" off-pitch from start to finish. Randy, Kara and Paula all know it, but talk around it, because they like her, instead focusing on how "young," "confident" and "commercial" she is. Simon, though, decides she's a couple years too young for this competition. Bye, bye, Jasmine.
Matt Giraud was the guy who wowed the judges playing "Georgia" on the keyboard during Hollywood Week. So naturally, he decides to play to his strength and imitate Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin singing "Viva la Vida." It is the very best ever demonstration of bad-song choice on "American Idol," which is saying a lot. RanKaraPau remind him there is a difference between singing Ray Charles tunes at the keyboard and imitating Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin, while Simon says it verged on being "horrible" which is actually too kind. Matt explains he imitated Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin singing "Viva la Vida" because it's "where I want to be as an artist." Simon tells him to zip it. Matt takes his point and says he needs to get back behind his keyboard "where I'm safe."
Janine Vailes realizes that, having had virtually no air time to date, her chances of winning enough votes to make it through to the next round without making some kind of splash are slim to none. So she plays a dramatic game of hide and seek with the melody of Maroon 5's "This Love." RanKaraPau compliment her on her truly incredible legs and try to ignore the whole singing part. Simon calls it "terrible" and "painful at times."
"Based on their reaction, what did you do to prepare your legs for tonight?" Seacrest asks Jeanine. She resists the urge to smack him into tomorrow night's episode. Jeanine is a better woman than I.
Nick "Normund Gentle" Mitchell tells viewers he doesn't know whether he's going to be Nick or Normund tonight -- which we all know is hooey because he says that every week and he always shows up as Normund - a sort of Paul Lynde cum Jerry Springer. This time Normund vamps, and mugs, and makes love to the "American Idol" logo on the judges desk, to the tune "I Am Telling You." The crowd laps him up and the Vote for the Worst people, having lost their beloved Tatiana Del Toro last week, will be all over him this week with their votes.
"I hope I'm speaking on behalf of America here when I pray you do not go through to the next round," Simon says, calling it "one of the most atrocious performances we've ever had at this stage of the competition." RanKaraPau pronounce it "entertaining," "memorable," and a perfect merging of Olivia Newton John from her "Let's Get Physical" period with, wait for it ... Jerry Lewis. Seacrest notes it's the first time an Idolette has gotten to second base with the "Idol" logo.
Allison Iraheta's version of "Alone" is the night's first promising performance, though RanKaraPau's "you blew it out da box" praise might be overstating things a bit. Paula hands Allison her coveted "you could sing the telephone book" prize - sort of like winning best-of-breed at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.
Kris Allen is utterly forgettable singing "Man in the Mirror" and since he too has had virtually no air time to date, he's a goner despite the judges's faint praise in re not being terrible.
Single mom Megan Corkrey is gorgeous and blonde, with an unusual voice, a winning smile, and a silly dance like one of those hula dolls people used to put on their dashboards. Seacrest calls the dance "The Corkrey." Megan sings "Put Your Record On" and all four judges declare her "relevant" which is their highest praise. Did I mention she's beautiful--and blonde? Viewers will put her through to the next round.
Matt Breitzke, who's been billed all along as humble welder guy, sings "If You Could Only See" competently. RanKaraPau tell him it was the wrong tune. Simon tells him it was the wrong tune. Matt says he doesn't care what they think. Bye bye formerly humble welder guy.
Jesse Langseth, another single mom, says she's going to sing "Bette Davis Eyes" because it's "one of the greatest songs ever written." She's lost us -- lost the judges too. She also needs to stop talking back at the judges, which never plays well with viewers.
Kai Kalama gives another lukewarm retro performance, this time with "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted." The judges try to find nice things to say and the best they've got is Simon's observation Kai would make a good back-up singer.
Teen Mishavonna Henson, who has one of the night's better voices, delivers a very old-school performance of "Drops of Jupiter." RanKaraPau tell her she's good but where does she fit in to the music industry? Simon tells Mishavonna to young it up. Mishavonna promises Seacrest she really is crazy and says the other Idolettes can vouch for that.
Once again, "Idol" has saved the best performer for last, this time Adam Lambert who has been doing musical theater since he was 10, which has lead to the judges to nick him for sounding too musical theater.
This week, Adam chooses to do his interpretation of Mick Jagger performing "Satisfaction" in "Cats." RanKaraPau love it, while Simon declares some bits "excruciatingly bad" and other bits "brilliant." He predicts Adam will be voted through to the next round by voters. He's right, as usual.
Based on what you saw last night:
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