"American Idol": Scott Free
"American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest no longer opens the Wednesday results show with his ominous gag about how he's going to reveal the viewer voting results that will seal the fate of one of the Idolettes. These days he says he will reveal the results of viewer votes that will in turn send that person to the judges. who will determine the Idolette's fate -- lording that new Judges' Save rule over viewers.
But first, judge Randy Jackson admits he was disappointed by last night's show. So too were the million, or two million, or three, viewers who had DVR'd Tuesday's performance show and did not get to see Adam Lambert sing because his performance didn't start until a couple minutes after the show was supposed to end -- running a total of 9 minutes long. Judge Kara DioGuardi is partly to blame -- eight Idolettes trying to perform in one hour, and now an additional fourth judge adding her 30-seconds'-worth of blah, blah, blah after each performance -- you do the math. Anyway, Kara once again demonstrates why the addition of a fourth judge has added so much to this year's show, explaining to Seacrest, and the nation, that some of the Idolettes who were strong at the outset are now not, while others have remained strong all along.
And judge Paula Abdul, meanwhile, is wearing evening gloves and her face continues to get more sparkly, and more purple, each week on results night.
Judge Simon Cowell, meanwhile, tries to deny he was born in 1959, but Seacrest will have none of it and rolls a black -and-white clip of a hot song from that year -- Frankie Avalon singing "Venus." Then, from behind the curtain pops Old Frankie Avalon, who uses what's left of his voice to sing "Venus" while carefully navigating the stage's three steps like he' s just had hip replacment surgery. Even so, some chicks in the audience shriek and he gets a standing ovation. Does he have a new CD coming out we don't know about? Is he running for political office?
No time to contemplate that -- it's time for American Idol Group Sing from the year "American Idol" was born -- 2002 , which apparently was another really bad year for songs because they wound up with "I Just Can't Get You Out of My Head." Traditionally, Group Sing is lip synched, but this week's is so particularly bad we suspect it's their actual voices. Lambert does the Constantine Maroulis Kick during the performance.
Time for the Ford Music Video. But, because this is a very special Idol results show, and because this week's Ford Music Video is directed by some Tim Burton Lite Guy, we also get to see a Making of the Ford Music Video, in which the Idolettes are allegedly characters in a magic vaudeville act in old downtown Los Angeles, but really look more like characters from the Disney animated version of "Pinnochio." The director shouts things at them, like "I want you to see through the audience -- I want them to feel like you're piercing their soul!" and "you're going to start off very brooding, very menacing." It's a menacing, brooding Ford ad.
Next: Time for Damage Control. Because the previous night "Idol" ran so long and Adam's performance could not be seen by DVR-ing "Idol" fans, Seacrest deals with Lambert first. The previous night, he noted, Cowell had had to speak for all the judges (because, of course, there had been no time for the other judges to critique his performance).
But Seacrest doesn't ask Adam how he feels about the fact he was handled differently from all the other competitors during Tuesday's show; he asks instead how he feels about receiving a standing ovation from Simon.
"I was extremely honored," Adam says."I really appreciate that gesture. I've never seen that before and I've been watching the show for eight years. . . . I'm very flattered -- thank you," Adam gushes. And the effect is complete.
But, for good measure, Seacrest also asks the other judges -- Jackson, DioGuardi, and Abdul -- to critique Adam's performance, 24 hours after those comments might have made a difference in how viewers voted. All three shower Adam with praise.
Adam has been among the most popular Idolettes all season, so "Idol" lucks out and he's sent to the Seats of Safety. Anoop Desai, on the other hand, is sent to sit in one of the three Stemware of Shame.
Kris Allen is sent to a Seat of Safety.
Flo Rida performs for the crowd with his harem of hotties, ending in a colorful confetti-and-streamer shower which Flo winds up picking from his sweating body while Seacrest asks him beauty pageant questions about his upcoming tour, new CD, and such, though one of Rida's answers is bleeped.
Back to the vote results. Danny Gokey is safe. Matt Giraud -- the other Kris Allen -- is safe. Scott MacIntyre is not and winds up in a Stemware of Shame. That leaves just Allison Iraheta and Lil Rounds who, miraculously, has never been among a week's bottom three vote getters. Finally, her luck runs out and she's sent to join Anoop and Scott. Simon says they might use the Judges' Save on one of the Bottom Three dwellers in particular, but he's not saying which.
And before we can find out, we have to watch former Idolette Kellie Pickler as she shows off her shoes -- the ones on her feet, that is -- and sings a tune she says she co-wrote with Taylor Swift?
Having survived that, we are considered strong enough to cope with Lil Rounds being sent to safety. Out of this week's 34 million votes, just 30,000 of them separated Anoop and Scott. And Scott is the low vote getter. The judges huddle to consider Scott. Two of them want him saved; the other two not so much.
"I can please you another week," Scott says, pathetically. Judges' Save is the worst "Idol" improvement. Ever.
The judges are stalemated, Seacrest tells Simon to make the call, tossing the Save's rules out the window -- remember how it was going to have to be unanimous? Anyway, Simon announced it's over for vision-impaired Scott who, a teary Paula says, has been an inspiration to the whole world, adding "You are one classy gentleman. God bless you. We love you."
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