NASA Astronauts to Run on COLBERT
NASA did not name its international space station module after Comedy Central's Greatest Living Gasbag, Stephen Colbert.
They named the space station's treadmill after him.
Technically, it will be called the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill -- the COLBERT.
Every day, someone on the space station will say "it's time for me to jump on COLBERT," astronaut Sunita Williams told Colbert on his Tuesday show.
Colbert was understandably miffed at first, having told his studio fanboys and girls and viewers at home at the top of Tuesday's "The Colbert Report" that NASA had, indeed, decided to name the space station module (or "node") for him. That's because "Colbert" won the space administration's name-that-module competition, receiving more than 230,000 votes. "Serenity" finished a distant second, with 190,000 votes. The NASA-chosen winner, Tranquility, came in eighth.
"And, coming in last, with just seven votes was the name Fart Monkey. Really a terrible name -- I don't know why I submitted it seven times," Colbert admitted.
"One day in the distant future, a child will look into space and say 'What is that, Mommy?' And the mother will say, 'That's the Stephen Colbert Space Node,'" Colbert fantasized at the start of Tuesday's show.
"'The same Stephen Colbert who saved the world from the zombie dragon onslaught?'" Colbert imagined the precocious moppet would ask Mommy.
"And Mom will say, 'Yes, he's the most tender lover I have ever known,'" Colbert continued.
But it was not to be.
In the end, Colbert decided the treadmill was an even better thing to bear his name because "the node is just the box for the treadmill. Nobody says 'Hey, my mom bought me a Nike box.' They want the shoes that are inside."
And, he pointed out, however far the space station goes in space, the treadmill will have gone several miles more.
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