CW dumps downer "Melrose" cast members; adds cougar

CW confirms that Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Colin Egglesfield, who play Violet and Auggie on CW's struggling "Melrose Place" remake, are being written off the show, for which we are grateful.

Simpson's removal, of course, is a no-brainer since she can't act. Besides, when scenery-chewing "Melrose: The Original" alum Heather Locklear joins the cast next month she was going to grind up Simpson and use her for mulch. It appears Violet will turn out to have been somehow directly involved in the pilot episode's murder of cougar Sydney Andrews, who owned the apartment complex at Melrose Place. This would be shocking because Violet doesn't seem smart enough to have been involved in anything more complicated than counting on her fingers and toes.

Meanwhile, Egglesfield is telling anyone who will listen that CW network decided Auggie was a little too much of a downer, what with him being an alcoholic and all. The network has decided the reason virtually no one is watching "Melrose Place" is because it's too dark. So they're going to make it more fun. Heather Locklear fun.Yes, they realized that killing off the cougar in the pilot episode was maybe a mistake, so they've bought themselves a new one.