Lambert to ABC: What Do You Want From Me
In Thursday's episode of "Sanctimoniously Dumping Adam Lambert," "The View's" token Sane Person Whoopie Goldberg insists the daytime talk show's chat with, and performance by, Adam Lambert have been pre-taped because ABC is "still concerned about his musical performance because of what happened at the American Music Awards."
We sit up and take notice because our ABC source, who wanted to remain anonymous because he had not authorized himself to speak, had insisted Lambert's "The View" appearance was being taped because Lambert could not be in town on Thursday to perform live.
"We taped the show. Well, no - y'all taped the show because I wasn't there," Whoopie wants to make perfectly clear to the show's Less-Sane members, Joy Behar, Sherri Shepherd, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Babs Walters.
"We're showing it today, when he's not on live. But he was on [ABC's broadcast of "Barbara Walters Presents the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009"] with Barbara last night - but that wasn't live either," Whoopie notes, resignedly, at the start of "The View."
In case you've just come out from under a flat stone, ABC dumped Lambert from "Good Morning America," "Jimmy Kimmel Live" and its "New Year's Rockin' Eve" shows in the wake of his show closing/knicker-knotting American Music Awards performance that included a male dancer shoving his face in Lambert's crotch, and Lambert executing a guy-on-guy kiss.
"I think ABC is keeping it a lot more alive than anybody else," Whoopie says of the Lambert Kerfuffle.
Our ears perk up again, because this is in marked contrast to what ABC press wranglers keep telling the TV Column about the whole mishegas.
"I think it's a little excessive," Sherri weighs in, of the pre-taped-ness of his "The View" appearance.
Babs, who has been carefully fanning the Flames of Excess on this story for days, knows a douse of cold water when she sees one, and jumps in to try to salvage the Lambert controversy.
"I don't know what's going to happen!" Babs gushes. This is a little strange, since Lambert's chat and performance on the show are, to reiterate, pre-taped- and Babs is the executive producer of "The View."
"I read that he might be singing at the Academy Awards!" she adds for good measure.
"That's live!" chimes in Behar, forgetting to note it's also an ABC broadcast.
It's time for Pre-Taped Lambert:
" Adam, after you did the American Music Awards, ABC canceled three of your live appearances and that is why we are taping this today," Pre-taped Babs emotes in the general direction of Lambert at the top of his interview.
To recap, we're now up to two View-ettes who have insisted ABC told them to tape his "The View" appearance.
"Protect your children, people," Pre-taped Lambert snarks.
"Does it bother you that people are now afraid to have you go live?" Babs wonders.
By "people" she means "ABC." CBS's "The Early Show" pounced on Lambert after ABC's "Good Morning America" gave him the old brusharoo and he performed live on the CBS morning infotainment show, though the CBS show pixilated some of the footage it ran of Lambert from his AMA gig.
Lambert insists it was a one-off - not his regular schtick.
Hasselbeck, who usually gets all "Aaackkkk! My eyyyyyyeeeessssss!" in these situations, instead says "I think there is a little characterization going on about you, based off of the performance."
"A mis-characterization," Lambert corrects, helpfully.
"You're not exactly a nice Jewish Boy, let's face it, Adam," weighs in Behar. Golly - didn't see that coming.
"I'm a little different - the dreidel spins the other way," Lambert agrees, sweetly.
Then the View-ettes take turns reciting the ABC Boilerplate on Lambert's performance:
a) The AMA show was rated TV-14.
b) It aired at 11 p.m. they say - except, of course, it aired at 10:53 p.m. which, in, say, Denver is 9:53 p.m., which falls within the FCC's pesky Indecency Free Zone.
Lambert, in return, pulls out his "I'm not a babysitter - my job is not to take care of your children...it's up to parents to figure out what they want their kids to watch" gag that had played so well when he tried it out on "The Early Show" gang several days earlier.
Hasselbeck wants to see if we will swallow her news that she's gotten "five million tweets" from people wanting her to let people know that Lambert works with children.
But not in the way you might think, given the pervy tone of the conversation.
Lambert notes proudly that over the summer, he helped raise over $250,000 for public school arts programs.
Hasselbeck notes happily that Lambert's AMA performance was "sexually aggressive."
Lambert insists he was just "experimenting with imagery and performance style and interpretation of one song" during his trophy-show performance.
What he was interpreting was the title tune of his new CD, "For Your Entertainment," which goes something like this:
Imma hurt you real good baby
Let's go, it's my show, baby, do what I say . . .
I told ya, Imma hold ya down until you're amazed
Give it to ya til you're screamin' my name.
For "The View," Lambert goes with the more subdued "What Do You Want from Me":
Hey, slow it down what do you want from me
What do you want from me
Yeah I'm afraid, what do you want from me
What do you want from me
Lisa de Moraes
December 10, 2009; 2:03 PM ET
Categories: Emmy Awards , TV News
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