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'American Idol' makes wishes come true in Orlando

Orlando is where dreams come true, "American Idol" announces at the start of Wednesday's auditions episode.

'Idol' judges Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell, and host Ryan Seacrest are, however, in Miami, boy-bonding.

Which leaves judge Kara DioGuardi to cozy up to this night's Pretend Paula, Kristin Chenoweth.

Theo Glinton in all his mirrored glory audition in Orlando. (Fox)

Chenoweth is revered in legit theater circles. But her "stint" on "Glee" has made her famous, Seabiscuit explains. By "stint" he means "one episode on a series that airs on the same network as does 'Idol'." We, however, know she's actually famous for being the chick who inspired the most annoying character ever created for prime-time television: Christian Comic Chick on Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip."

Kristen and Kara fall instantly in love with each other and begin to behave like sisters from Jersey -- giggling, hugging each other, making pacts, saying things like "this is sooo fun!", holding hands, high-fiving each other, and generally annoying Simon so much you can see him deciding in his head to leave the show and launch "X Factor."

Theo Glinton is wearing little round mirrors and white feathers on his face, a cape of some kind, and a T-shirt the "American Idol" Decency Police have decided must be pixilated. Theo tells the judges his dream is to open a salon and this seems like the best means to that end. They disabuse him of that notion and send him on his way back out to Seabiscuit, and so begins a strange grooming ritual in which Seabiscuit picks mirrors off Theo's face.

A Parade of Sad, Sad Stories follows: one wannabe Idolette has a son who is autistic. Another was not able as a child to use the right side of her face. No. 3 spent four birthdays "behind bars."

Seth Rollins, the father of the adorable little autistic boy, says that, as a man, he wants to feel like he can fix it, but he can't fix it, but winning "American Idol" would give him the money he needs to help his son. To drive home the point, Seth sings the Gershwin tune "Someone to Watch Over Me" -- so Chenoweth is a definite 'yes' in re: Seth's going to Hollywood. The regular judges also like Seth, who's a stolid fellow, and he's on his way.

Following a Rapid Rejection medley, Jermaine Purifoy wants to sing a Tony Bennett tune, which turns out to be "Smile," which raises the median age of the show by about five years. Randy pronounces it the best audition so far this season and the other judges have equally nice things to say.

Shelby Dressel, an 18-year-old waitress, is still very self conscious about the right side of her face; she sings Norah Jones's "Turn Me On," but, in her nervousness, forgets her lyrics in the middle of her performance, which causes her to blurt out a curse word and then she's mortified and apologizes. This causes the judges, who can't resist Humble and Afflicted -- to love her, and she's heading to Hollywood, though Simon says his "yes" is "with a small 'y'," though Randy says his "yes" is in all caps.

Its' end of Day One in Orlando.

Day Two dawns with Chenoweth having skipped town.

Jay Stone can beatbox and sing simultaneously, so he's already 20 percent more talented, he says, than a previous season's Blake Lewis, who could do both but not at the same time. Simon pronounces himself "soaking wet" after that performance, which is way too much information. Kara likens it to a "crazy roller coaster ride," while Randy wonders if Jay can actually sing. Which Jay starts to do, which provokes Randy and Kara to start a chorus of slap happy beatboxing, after which they pretty much owe him a Golden Ticket to Hollywood.

One melange of Bubbly Vibe Chicks later, Cornelius Edwards comes to audition and show off the dance steps he learned from his friends in "adult entertainment." "My pants done ripped!" he exclaims while performing. Which, at this point, is cause enough to hand him a Golden Ticket to Hollywood.

Two actual sisters from Jersey come to audition. The Desimone Sisters. Amanda and Bernadette. Bernadette is blonde, so she has the edge. Bernadette sings "Hit the Road Jack" which brings the median age of the show up another two years. Amanda sings "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." Simon goes for the blonde -- I know, shocking -- and Randy at first seems to lean that way too. But, as Kara says philosophically, "How do you break these two up?" so they're both through to Hollywood.

'Idol' producers have Jarrod Norrell pegged as a weirdsmobile and so have shot an extensive interview with him and footage of him warming up to sing. He sings "Amazing Grace" because, he says, "You've got to give it up to god." Kara says he "sounds like a lawnmower," which seems to scramble his brain circuit and he announces he's now "tripping" and "losing it." The judges tell him he's not a singer, but Jarrod says he "can't leave," and starts singing "Amazing Grace" again which, Seabiscuit explains, leaves the show's security team with no choice but to force Jarrod face down on the ground, handcuff his hands behind his back, and escort him from the building.

"Yes or no?" Simon asks the other judges.

And, finally, 25-year-old Matthew Lawrence is looking for redemption at the "American Idol" audition. At age 15, he explains, he left home in search of "adventure" which he says he found in the form of a BB gun with which he robbed a bank, for which, he says, he spent four birthdays "behind bars." Now he's looking to put a smile on his dad's face to wipe away the tears dad shed when his son was put "behind bars" for four birthdays.

To drive home that point, Matthew performs "Trouble." It is pronounced "brilliant" by Simon and that's all you need to know, since the other judges always fall in line with Simon's rave reviews.

And, with that, the Orlando auditions are over, which is what we'd wished for upon a star.

By Lisa de Moraes  |  January 21, 2010; 7:00 AM ET
Categories:  "American Idol"  
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What I think Simon meant to say about Mr. Beatboxer is "Say it. Don't spray it."

Still not sure why they gave Mr. I split my pants, a ticket.

Jersey sisters were hilarious.

Seabiscuit, Kristin Chenowith was famous l long before Glee. Never heard of Wicked? Also loved her in Pushing Up Daisies.

Posted by: hodie | January 21, 2010 10:16 AM | Report abuse

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