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Conan O'Brien: I can no longer make fun of NBC programming

The day NBC and Conan O'Brien announced they are breaking up, here's what Conan has to say in his "Tonight Show" opening monologue -- on NBC:

"NBC and I hammered out an agreement for wrapping up my time here as host of the Tonight Show. The general terms of the contract are all over the Internet. But there are some provisions in the contract you may not know about:

-I am prohibited from coming within 500 yards of 11:30.

-I must return the Etch-A-Sketch my contract was written on.

-I'm not allowed to make fun of NBC programming. I have to let the programming speak for itself.

-The cop who escorts me off the lot after my last show must have the rank of lieutenant or higher.

-Max Weinberg must surrender his key to the women's locker room at the NBC gym.

-Have to watch at least one NBC show every weeknight in order to double ratings.

-Effective today, NBC will stop paying for Andy Richter's medical marijuana, and medical Jack Daniels.

-Must stop production on my documentary expose of NBC: "Inside the 'Cock."


By Lisa de Moraes  |  January 21, 2010; 9:35 PM ET
Categories:  TV News  
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Next: Jay Leno to keynote White House Correspondents Dinner [updated]

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