'American Idol' picks its Top 12
At long last it's time to announce the Top 12 Idolettes on "American Idol."
But first we are subjected to a picture of judge Randy Jackson's head on Bikini Boy's body because judge Simon Cowell told one of the Idolettes this week he should picture Randy in a bikini to help him overcome his nerves when performing. And, of course, there's the weekly lesson in How to Lip Synch - such an important skill for today's pop singer.
Breaking news: The Rolling Stones are the latest rock group to succumb to the "American Idol" machine. The top 12 Idolettes will have to choose among Stones tunes to perform next week. Let's all agree to vote for whoever sings "Rough Justice" just to see if the Fox Decency Police zap it, like ABC did at that Super Bowl halftime show -- okay?
Time to whack some Idolettes. Four gotta go tonight.
We see the 12 stools on which the surviving singers will be seated. They will be the ones who received the most votes from viewers this week. Again this year the stools look like martini glasses -- the Martini Glasses of Popularity.
Weepy Benami is called up on stage first. She tells show host Ryan Seacrest how nerve-wracking this has all been for her what with having to performing in front of soooo many people. Seabiscuit asks judge Randy Jackson if consistency is important in an Idolette. "Consistency is everything," Randy guesses. Randy gets to go to the next round. So does Weepy. Weepy, BTW, is wearing a dress that appears to be made of recycled beach balls.
Siobhan Magnus is called up on stage and, in marked contrast, tells Seabiscuit she's having a blast and is utterly comfortable on stage. Undaunted, Seabiscuit asks judge Ellen The Generous to tell Siobhan what she will need to do to impress people going forward "The same thing she has been doing?" guesses Ellen. Correct! Siobhan is told to take a seat in a Martini Glass of Popularity.
Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly are brought up on stage together. Seabiscuit asks Simon which of the two has the most potential. Simon says that Paige has not gotten her act together at all since the live performance shows started, whereas Katelyn was good until this week when she made one bad song choice -- so Paige clearly has the most potential. Right again! Katelyn gets to pay viewers back by re-singing the Carole King tune they disliked so much. It's even worse than the first time.
Next, it's time to whack a guy. Tim Urban, Todrick Hall, Lee Dewyze, and Casey James are all brought up on stage. Tim and Lee are told they have made it to the Top 12. Tim goes into his "Here's My Shocked Look, Mr. DeMille" routine again. That leaves Casey and Todrick on stage. This means Todrick is toast, of course, because Casey is cougar catnip. Seabiscuit can't think of a question to ask of any of the judges, so he just cuts to the chase and announces that Casey is surviving and Todrick is not. Todrick gets to sing the Queen tune that got him booted, only he does so much better a job of it than the first time around that Seabiscuit makes some crack about taking that performance to the judges. "Fantastic," raves Randy.
One piano duet -- by last season's Idolettes Matt Giraud and Scott McIntyre -- later, Seabiscuit announces that Mama Sox, aka Crystal Bowersox, is safe. Then Michael Lynche, who has been flexing his neck muscles in the background, is brought to center stage so judge Kara can explain why she collapsed, sobbing, into Simon's arms when she heard Michael's scenery-chewing performance the night before. Turns out that when Person A hears Person B singing about something Person B has been going through which is relevant to Person A, it touches Person A. We can't pretend to care. Seabiscuit doesn't much either -- he's more interested in whether Michael can fit in a Martini Glass of Popularity. He can.
Lacey Brown is asked if she knows who she is yet as an artist. Knowing who you are as an artist is the leitmotif of "Idol" this season -- the judges can't stop harping on it. Lacey replies in the affirmative and, asked to elaborate, explains she is someone who is good at an array of things. That's good enough for America, which has voted to put her in a Martini Glass of Popularity.
Aaron Kelly is brought center stage to discuss why he needs more confidence performing. He explains to Seabiscuit that the judges scare the daylights out of him. He gets a place in the Martini Glass lineup.
Alex Lambert and Andrew Garcia are brought on stage. One the one hand, Alex has a distinctive, commercial voice and is consistently good, though nervous, when he performs. On the other hand, Andrew has managed to do one song -- Paula Abdul's "Straight Up" -- well during Hollywood Week and has bombed every week after that. So, naturally, America has voted to keep around -- Andrew. Alex tears up and says he wishes he had been able to break out of his shell, which we hope makes all those who voted for Andrew feel like heels. Seabiscuit asks Ellen The Generous for some advice for Alex. Ellen's command of the music industry involves clicking your heels together three times and saying "I believe in myself." This, to a guy who says he vomits before every performance out of sheer fright. Alex gets to sing "Trouble" one more time and, as usual, he's quite good.
When we come back from commercial break, Idolettes are still up on stage consoling Alex. "You could hear a pin drop during the commercial break," Seabiscuit says, calling it "maybe the most intense few moments" of the show, which is too bad since we didn't get to, you know, see it.
So it all comes down to Katie Stevens and Lilly Scott. As Kara notes, one is a chick who has no idea who she is as an artist -- that would be Katie -- and other is the chick who is maybe one of the two Idolettes this season who knows exactly who they are as an artist - that would be Lilly, with the wonderfully quirky voice. And look where it gets Lilly - she's out. So much for the judges and their "you need to know who you are as an artist" blather.
"I thought I was appealing to a lot of people," Lilly tells Seabiscuit when he asks for her reaction, thinking he's going to get the usual "I learned soooo much, and you have not heard the last of me" nonsense.
"It's surprising -- there's a lot of incredible talent going home tonight. I don't know what America wants to hear," Lilly says, sounding nearly as disgusted as we are.
Lisa de Moraes
March 12, 2010; 7:50 AM ET
Categories: "American Idol"
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