'American Idol': Miley and Jemi sing, Paige walks
Tonight will be the most dramatic elimination yet on "American Idol" this season. Tonight, the Idolette who got the fewest votes from viewers on Tuesday will spend the rest of his or her life knowing he or she came THIS close to going on the "American Idol" tour, which may or may not sell out in venues all across the country this summer.
Also, tonight we will see Joe Jonas for the first time on "American Idol" since he got a grown-up haircut and Demi Lovato decided they are "dating."
Why does a woman in the audience have blood running down her face and yet, seem so happy?
Show host Ryan Seacrest, dressed in another natty suit, gets things rolling by thanking America for voting Tuesday night. But again he neglects to tells us how many votes were cast, which means the numbers must be down. It's like a real estate agent taking out a full-page ad to let us know he just sold a house, but not telling us for how much.
Seabiscuit reminds us that the only thing that can save tonight's booted Idolette is The Judges' Save -- aka The Jennifer Hudson Save -- which must be unanimous, and expires once we get down to the Top 5 Idolettes in the competition.
Will the judges use The Jennifer Hudson Save tonight, Seabiscuit wonders. Is he out of his mind? Did he WATCH Tuesday's competition show? Did he hear Tim Urban? Andrew Garcia? Paige Miles?
Judge Randy Jackson came dressed tonight as a Creamsicle. Ellen The Generous is dressed as Peter O'Toole: The Lawrence of Arabia Years -- keffiyah, short blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, black eyeliner. Kara DioGuardi has found something from Paula Abdul's new QVC Gone Clubbing line, and Simon is dressed as Simon. Simon and Kara blow kisses at each other, frightening the children in the audience -- except, of course, that chick with the blood rushing down her face, who has way too much on her mind to notice this game of kissy-face.
Speaking of really bad song choices: Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" is really the right song choice absolutely never. And yet, the brain trust behind "American Idol" thinks it's this week's perfect Group Lip Sync tune. The Idolettes bust dance moves and lip-sync their hearts out. Except Crystal Bowersox; she lip-syncs and bustles about the stage.
After a break, Seabiscuit shows us what the Idolettes did over the weekend -- work for Ford Motor Company cutting a commercial! Only it's called a "music video" -- so it's art.
Seabiscuit loves it, and tells us we can win an "Idol'-inspired" Ford Fiesta.
Seabiscuit wants to talk to the Idolettes for a while. Casey James had an eye-opening experience this week, Seabiscuit says breathlessly. While rehearsing "Power of Love" Casey went into the second verse when he was supposed to go into the chorus!
And Siobhan Magnus's boss, who is in the audience, will not shave until she wins "American Idol," Seabiscuit marvels. Siobhan Boss will never shave, because she's not going to win. But he's already got so much hair we think maybe not shaving is not much of a hardship. Besides, it goes well with his plaid flannel shirt.
Hey! Siobhan Boss is sitting next to the chick with the blood running down her face! Hi, Girl with Blood Running Down Your Face! Why are you so happy when you are bleeding so profusely? Turns out, she's a Siobhan Magnus fan, as is the slightly less bloody-faced chick next to her. They call themselves The Siozombies!
Seabiscuit also reveals that little Katie Stevens's dad is across the street getting hammered during the results show, as he is every results show, because he thinks if he's there he will jinx it and he couldn't bear the look on Katie's face if that happens.
And how about Michael Lynche being allowed to go see his wife and newborn baby every day at some apartment in Los Angeles in which they're living with their dog, Seabiscuit marvels. Is it just me or does a Sarah Palin travelogue series suddenly sound riveting?
Finally, having been given the You've Frittered Away Enough Time signal by the "Idol" producers, Seabiscuit becomes all business, showing us the Giant Martini Glasses of Shame on the other side of the stage. He tells Siobhan to stand up. He asks her to defend The Siobhan Scream. She says she knows Simon hates it, but it appeals to the crowd and if that's what it takes to make it to the "American Idol" tour, it's a sacrifice she's willing to make. Seabiscuit tells her she's going to have to pack her bags -- this summer! 'Cause she's going on tour! Do you think Palin will show us how to skin a moose?
Seacrest tells Casey and Lee Dewyze to stand. Then he tells Tim Urban and Paige Miles to stand. Tim, secure in the Power of the Pecs (pictures of his hot ones have been making the rounds on the Web of late) denies his performance was lousy and says he'd do it all over again, including sliding on his heinie across stage. Paige, on the other hand, says modestly she got lost in her poor song choice this week and acknowledges it was not a good performance. Sadly, it's too late for all those little girls who voted for Tim to change their votes.
Seabiscuit asks Randy whether he thinks Paige or Tim will be in this week's Bottom Three. Randy, not realizing it's a trick question, picks Paige. He's right -- but Tim is in the Bottom Three as well. They cut to commercial with poor Casey and Lee still awaiting their fate. When we return, they are seated, safe and going on tour.
It's time for this week's mentor, singer/thespian Miley Cyrus, to perform the lead role from Wilkie Collins' early 19th-century mystery novel "Woman in White," while simultaneously plugging her new tune "When I Look at You. " Miley, wearing a beautiful white gown, has fled to some foggy bog, near The Grove we think, in order to hide from the evil Sir Percival, who wants to throw her back into the dank, dreary lunatic asylum lest she spill the beans to TMZ that his parents never tied the knot, which means his title and inheritance are not really his.
Miley's hair has miraculously grown about 8 inches, to gothic-mystery-novel-heroine length, since Tuesday night -- like a Chia Pet. And someone has carelessly left their baby grand piano in the foggy bog, on which Miley begins to play. She musters just enough strength to rise from the piano bench but not enough to keep her gimongous head from falling forward until her chin hits her chest. Up and down her head keeps flailing and just when you think she's got all that settled and her head firmly back in place, she starts to clutch at her breast, which means she's either overwrought with emotion or having a wardrobe malfunction. All in all, it's a riveting performance and the audience gives Miley what she insists is her very first standing ovation. She is overcome and confesses prettily to Seabiscuit that Simon frightens her.
Time to sell more Fords.
Aaron Kelly is told to stand and then is told to sit down because he's safe. Didi Benami is told to stand and begins to whine about how hard it is to hear the judges tell her one thing one week, and one thing the next week. Naturally, Seabiscuit turns to Ellen The Generous for answers. Ellen tells Didi she loves her. Simon says Didi has to pick the right songs and "be good."
"I can't hear you," Didi responds. Ooh snap!
Long after we've stopped caring what happens to her tonight, we're told Didi is safe.
Crystal Bowersox is reminded that Kara wants her to lose the guitar but Simon loves her guitar. "Who will you listen to?" Seabiscuit faux wonders.
"Me," Mama Sox says. She's safe.
That leaves only Katie Stevens and Andrew Garcia. Since Katie's only moderately bad and Andrew's very bad, we know Katie will round out the Bottom 3 this week. But only for about one minute before Seabiscuit sends her back to the Seats of Safety because Tim Urban and Paige Miles were even worse.
Time to sell tickets for Miley Cyrus's new movie "The Last Song." What the heck is Greg Kinnear doing in this treacle-fest? Didn't he used to be an actor?
Back from break, Seabiscuit brings out America's Hottest Non-Vampire Couple for the Tweener Set: Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. Thus begins the "Make a Wave" competitive singing portion of the show. They each do their best to outshout the other, but we think Joe Jonas wins by a hair. Speaking of hair, this is the first time we've seen Joe on "American Idol" since he re-did his do.
After the tune, we can't remember what happens to Demi but she ceases to exist for us and it's only Joe on stage with Ryan and the bottom two vote getters, Paige and Tim. Seabiscuit reminds Joe he was a guest judge during 'Idol' auditions this season, when Tim Urban was sent through to Hollywood.
"How's it going, Tim?" Joe asks Tim, who, to recap, is seated in one of the Bottom 2 vote getters.
"Guess it's not going very well," Joe adds, philosophically.
An ad break or so later, it's finally time to reveal which of the Bottom 2 is not going to make it to the "American Idol" tour. It's Paige Miles. The Power of the Pecs has saved Tim Urban once again.
Seabiscuit starts to say she's going to now sing in hopes the judges will use the Jennifer Hudson Save.
It's not going to happen, Simon interrupts, noting that decision is "100 percent unanimous."
Never miss another "American Idol" after-show analysis. Text "IDOL"
to 98999 to have a link to Lisa de Moraes's blog post sent directly to
Lisa de Moraes
March 25, 2010; 7:00 AM ET
Categories: "American Idol"
Save & Share: Previous: Miley Cyrus gives back on 'American Idol'
Next: Discovery makes it official: "Sarah Palin's Alaska" to TLC
Posted by: tmeintermedia | March 25, 2010 7:24 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: smmuscar | March 25, 2010 7:36 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: disposall | March 25, 2010 8:14 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: observer23 | March 25, 2010 8:31 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: kirstenpaulson | March 25, 2010 8:32 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: MrsKirby | March 25, 2010 9:05 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: niceshoes1 | March 25, 2010 9:27 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: princessbuttercup | March 25, 2010 9:30 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: thejuggler | March 25, 2010 9:37 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: molsonmich | March 25, 2010 9:51 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: KevinAF | March 25, 2010 10:44 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: justmike | March 25, 2010 10:47 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: MrsKirby | March 25, 2010 10:47 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: GroovisMaximus61 | March 25, 2010 10:54 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: sivwiz | March 25, 2010 11:39 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: tmeintermedia | March 25, 2010 11:52 AM | Report abuse
Posted by: skins82 | March 25, 2010 12:11 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: hapster | March 25, 2010 12:17 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: ozpunk | March 25, 2010 12:21 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: greenrodeo | March 25, 2010 12:46 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: ILoveToSinga | March 25, 2010 12:55 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: thatviennaguy | March 25, 2010 1:21 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: jqw3827 | March 25, 2010 1:47 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: seaduck2001 | March 25, 2010 2:37 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: VTDuffman | March 25, 2010 3:16 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: ChrisFord1 | March 25, 2010 4:44 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: owingsmills | March 25, 2010 7:40 PM | Report abuse
The comments to this entry are closed.