'American Idol' 2010 puts judges in the hot seat
"Prepare yourself for a surprise or two," host Ryan Seacrest says at the top of this week's "American Idol" 2010 results show. "Shocking results" are in store, Seabiscuit continues. This can only mean that some Idolette besides Katie Stevens, Tim Urban, or Andrew Garcia got the fewest viewer votes this week, right?
But first, let's find out what the judges are donating for an auction to raise money for "Idol Gives Back." Simon Cowell thinks he's donating some clothes, and the opportunity for someone to actually make a record. If I had any money I'd buy that for Idolette Tim Urban just to see the look on Simon's face.
Ellen The Generous is donating some tennis shoes and VIP tickets to her talk show.
Kara DioGuardi and Randy Jackson are donating singing lessons. "You want one?" Kara asks Simon.
"I'm giving away some hair product and a couple of my suits," Seabiscuit jokes.
Time to bring out the Top 9 Idolettes for their Group Lip Sync -- this week it's a John Lennon/Paul McCartney medley, which The Surviving Nine perform while dressed in black-and-white, upscale restaurant waitperson uniforms. McCartney counts his money; Lennon churns in his grave.
The Top 9 are in "severe stress mode," and nothing soothes nerves like shooting a [Sponsor Car Company] Music Video, Seabiscuit prattles on merrily. This week's features [Sponsor Car Company's] youth-market car model, seen in various cool paint jobs while the Idolettes sing "Will It Go Round In Circles," the old Billy Preston number, and look at the Sponsor Car Youth-Market Model through a kaleidoscope ,which makes it look even more youth-market appropriate.
Seabiscuit questions the Top 9 about how nervous they are, in hopes of making them even more nervous, then issues the command to "bring down the lights".
He tells Siobhan Magnus to stand up, then questions Kara on why she said Tuesday night that Siobhan's performance confused her. But Kara isn't falling for it -- last night Simon questioned Siobhan, ended up making her cry, and had to quickly back off. Kara says she only meant she "wasn't used to seeing [Siobhan] that way" but that after Siobhan explained herself, she found her "believable" and it was all good. Siobhan has to make the perp walk to the center of the stage.
Next, Crystal Bowersox and Katie Stevens take the perp walk. But we know they're staying on the show, so the odds are now 70% Weasely Seabiscuit Fakeout, and just 30% Siobhan Downside Surprise.
"Do you think one of these girls could be headed home tonight?" Seabiscuit asks Randy.
"No, based on performance, these girls are hot," Randy insists after deciding it is not a trick question.
"Crystal, you are safe," announces Seabiscuit.
"So, we are left with Katie and Siobhan. One of you is safe -- and so is the other!" he continues.
The Weasely Seabiscuit Fakeout strikes again!
'Idol' welcomes Jason Derulo, a Kara DioGuardi production, singing "In My Head." Having been mentored by Kara, we're prepared to find him "believable." And, you know what? He IS more believable than Usher and Diddy last week. He's a pretty good dancer -- can even stand on his toes. Cut to Kara applauding wildly. Jason gets a Judging Moment from Kara and Simon, just like an Idolette. They love him!
Next up, David Archuleta, the Aaron Kelly of 'Idol' Season 7. Baby Elmo once again tackles "Imagine," like he did in Season 7, and with an authority Aaron can only dream of. Aaron, wake up!
Back to results with the 6 guy Idolettes. Seabiscuit is doing it the democratic way. Everybody stands up, gets cross-examined then takes the perp walk.
"Blah, blah, you need to have more confidence, blah, blah," Seabiscuit tells Lee Dewyze.
"Blah, blah, iTunes download plug, blah, blah," Mike Lynche says smugly.
Is it me, or is Mike's head looking smaller every week, relative to his gimongous arms and shoulders?
"Blah, blah, are you talking to me little man? blah, blah," Casey James says to Seabiscuit.
Aaron has to remain silent, for some reason, while Simon gets to talk: "Blah, blah, need to sound like you're making a record, blah blah."
Seabiscuit also denies Tim Urban his right to speak, for which we are grateful.
"Blah, blah, it's all good, blah, blah," Andrew says.
Now we have two groups of three guys each, on stage. Ellen The Generous is forced to guess which group is the Bottom 3. But that's not the kind of drama she signed on for. So she picks one group, then switches to the other, then settles on "well, either way it's horrible."
Seabiscuit jumps in to declare the group consisting of Mike, Aaron, and Andrew to be the Bottom 3. Then, he sends Aaron back to the Seats of Safety.
Time for Rihanna to come out to perform her new single "Rockstar 101."
"Ooh baby I'm a rock star," Rihanna keep repeating as she stalks the stage in a skin tight shiny black vinyl catsuit -- in eye-popping contrast to the prim, modest little Idolettes. It's one of this season's weekly performance night moments that serves mostly to make "Idol" look like the Catholic girl's school of the music business.
Back from commercial, Andrew and Mike are onstage for the Moment of Truth.
"After surviving a season total of over 132 million votes...."
(Wait a Minute! They don't announce the weekly votes any more?)
"...Mike has to sing for his life," Seabiscuit reveals.
Mike's no fool. He heads straight for "This Woman's Work", the guaranteed tear jerker, the backstory heartstring plucker, the most "believable" song a guy with a new baby could ever sing. Plentiful camera cuts to his weeping wife in the audience.
He sings it as well as before and tension, tension, tension: Will the 'Idol' judges spit in the face of fatherhood, trample on all that's decent about family life in America, laugh at a guy who only wants a career to give a better life to his newborn baby?
Of course not! After a brief kick in the pants from Simon -- "we all wish you did something like this yesterday," Simon says of his performance -- Mike gets the one Judge's Save of the season.
Which means sometime soon, Siobhan's going to be out of luck.
"Huzzah!" shouts the studio audience.
Mike's wife beams. Kara hugs Ellen. Mike struts around the stage, his massive arms raised in the air, like some wrestler who's just come out ahead after four rounds with WWE star Big Show.
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Lisa de Moraes
April 8, 2010; 7:09 AM ET
Categories: "American Idol"
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