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'American Idol' 2010 puts judges in the hot seat

"Prepare yourself for a surprise or two," host Ryan Seacrest says at the top of this week's "American Idol" 2010 results show. "Shocking results" are in store, Seabiscuit continues. This can only mean that some Idolette besides Katie Stevens, Tim Urban, or Andrew Garcia got the fewest viewer votes this week, right?

But first, let's find out what the judges are donating for an auction to raise money for "Idol Gives Back." Simon Cowell thinks he's donating some clothes, and the opportunity for someone to actually make a record. If I had any money I'd buy that for Idolette Tim Urban just to see the look on Simon's face.

Ellen The Generous is donating some tennis shoes and VIP tickets to her talk show.
Kara DioGuardi and Randy Jackson are donating singing lessons. "You want one?" Kara asks Simon.

"I'm giving away some hair product and a couple of my suits," Seabiscuit jokes.

Time to bring out the Top 9 Idolettes for their Group Lip Sync -- this week it's a John Lennon/Paul McCartney medley, which The Surviving Nine perform while dressed in black-and-white, upscale restaurant waitperson uniforms. McCartney counts his money; Lennon churns in his grave.

The Top 9 are in "severe stress mode," and nothing soothes nerves like shooting a [Sponsor Car Company] Music Video, Seabiscuit prattles on merrily. This week's features [Sponsor Car Company's] youth-market car model, seen in various cool paint jobs while the Idolettes sing "Will It Go Round In Circles," the old Billy Preston number, and look at the Sponsor Car Youth-Market Model through a kaleidoscope ,which makes it look even more youth-market appropriate.

Seabiscuit questions the Top 9 about how nervous they are, in hopes of making them even more nervous, then issues the command to "bring down the lights".

He tells Siobhan Magnus to stand up, then questions Kara on why she said Tuesday night that Siobhan's performance confused her. But Kara isn't falling for it -- last night Simon questioned Siobhan, ended up making her cry, and had to quickly back off. Kara says she only meant she "wasn't used to seeing [Siobhan] that way" but that after Siobhan explained herself, she found her "believable" and it was all good. Siobhan has to make the perp walk to the center of the stage.

Next, Crystal Bowersox and Katie Stevens take the perp walk. But we know they're staying on the show, so the odds are now 70% Weasely Seabiscuit Fakeout, and just 30% Siobhan Downside Surprise.

"Do you think one of these girls could be headed home tonight?" Seabiscuit asks Randy.

"No, based on performance, these girls are hot," Randy insists after deciding it is not a trick question.

"Crystal, you are safe," announces Seabiscuit.

"So, we are left with Katie and Siobhan. One of you is safe -- and so is the other!" he continues.

The Weasely Seabiscuit Fakeout strikes again!

'Idol' welcomes Jason Derulo, a Kara DioGuardi production, singing "In My Head." Having been mentored by Kara, we're prepared to find him "believable." And, you know what? He IS more believable than Usher and Diddy last week. He's a pretty good dancer -- can even stand on his toes. Cut to Kara applauding wildly. Jason gets a Judging Moment from Kara and Simon, just like an Idolette. They love him!

Next up, David Archuleta, the Aaron Kelly of 'Idol' Season 7. Baby Elmo once again tackles "Imagine," like he did in Season 7, and with an authority Aaron can only dream of. Aaron, wake up!

Back to results with the 6 guy Idolettes. Seabiscuit is doing it the democratic way. Everybody stands up, gets cross-examined then takes the perp walk.

"Blah, blah, you need to have more confidence, blah, blah," Seabiscuit tells Lee Dewyze.

"Blah, blah, iTunes download plug, blah, blah," Mike Lynche says smugly.

Is it me, or is Mike's head looking smaller every week, relative to his gimongous arms and shoulders?

"Blah, blah, are you talking to me little man? blah, blah," Casey James says to Seabiscuit.

Aaron has to remain silent, for some reason, while Simon gets to talk: "Blah, blah, need to sound like you're making a record, blah blah."

Seabiscuit also denies Tim Urban his right to speak, for which we are grateful.

"Blah, blah, it's all good, blah, blah," Andrew says.

Now we have two groups of three guys each, on stage. Ellen The Generous is forced to guess which group is the Bottom 3. But that's not the kind of drama she signed on for. So she picks one group, then switches to the other, then settles on "well, either way it's horrible."

Seabiscuit jumps in to declare the group consisting of Mike, Aaron, and Andrew to be the Bottom 3. Then, he sends Aaron back to the Seats of Safety.

Time for Rihanna to come out to perform her new single "Rockstar 101."

"Ooh baby I'm a rock star," Rihanna keep repeating as she stalks the stage in a skin tight shiny black vinyl catsuit -- in eye-popping contrast to the prim, modest little Idolettes. It's one of this season's weekly performance night moments that serves mostly to make "Idol" look like the Catholic girl's school of the music business.

Back from commercial, Andrew and Mike are onstage for the Moment of Truth.

"After surviving a season total of over 132 million votes...."

(Wait a Minute! They don't announce the weekly votes any more?)

"...Mike has to sing for his life," Seabiscuit reveals.

Mike's no fool. He heads straight for "This Woman's Work", the guaranteed tear jerker, the backstory heartstring plucker, the most "believable" song a guy with a new baby could ever sing. Plentiful camera cuts to his weeping wife in the audience.

He sings it as well as before and tension, tension, tension: Will the 'Idol' judges spit in the face of fatherhood, trample on all that's decent about family life in America, laugh at a guy who only wants a career to give a better life to his newborn baby?

Of course not! After a brief kick in the pants from Simon -- "we all wish you did something like this yesterday," Simon says of his performance -- Mike gets the one Judge's Save of the season.

Which means sometime soon, Siobhan's going to be out of luck.

"Huzzah!" shouts the studio audience.

Mike's wife beams. Kara hugs Ellen. Mike struts around the stage, his massive arms raised in the air, like some wrestler who's just come out ahead after four rounds with WWE star Big Show.

Never miss another "American Idol" after-show analysis. Text "IDOL"
to 98999 to have a link to Lisa de Moraes's blog post sent directly to
your phone.

By Lisa de Moraes  |  April 8, 2010; 7:09 AM ET
Categories:  "American Idol"  
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Next: Kate Gosselin to help "challenged" families on TLC. Seriously.

Comments

It was just awful. I wasted an hour of my time watching that stupid show. I am done, done, DONE with American Idol.

But... Simon, I still love you.

Posted by: cashmere1 | April 8, 2010 7:46 AM | Report abuse

cashmere1: Simon was hoping you'd say that, because he has another show he'd like you to fall in love with....

Posted by: Anonynonandon | April 8, 2010 7:55 AM | Report abuse

I loathe, loathe, loathe Michael Lynche as a person; he is the kind of smarmy, fake nice jerkoff all real guys smell out instinctively and who needs to crash and burn like a German Stuka. Oh the humanity of them giving such an individual the judge's save. I would spend a week in a karaoke bar with Tim Urban rather than one minute next to Michael Lynche in an airport bar. What a complete glassbowl that guy is (and he can't sing worth a dimestore Vandross either). Oh well.......

Posted by: bdean1 | April 8, 2010 8:22 AM | Report abuse

Sheesh bdean1, what did Michael Lynche do to you?

Anyway, Big Mike's finish at the bottom seems to indicate that AI has lost a big chunk of its R&B/Soul audience. Indication #2 - the complete absence of any Fantasialike belters. And indicators #3 and #4: David Cook and Kris Allen.

Hence, molsonmich suspects Lee & Crystal will the final 2.

Posted by: molsonmich | April 8, 2010 8:46 AM | Report abuse

Mike was saved last night??!! LOL! He can't win the whole thing anyway. He has no fan base. I actually think Siobhan's performance was absolutely abysmal- for 2 weeks in a row. And I started out liking her. I don't see her winning now.

Posted by: forgetthis | April 8, 2010 8:55 AM | Report abuse

I'm for Crystal all the way, but come on- voting Big Mike off before limited-talents Aaron and Tim go? Or Andrew, who makes every song sound exactly the same as the last one he sang? That's crazy!

Posted by: faywray | April 8, 2010 9:01 AM | Report abuse

Rihanna was AWFUL. Can we vote her out next week? Pretty girl but geez, talent? No.

I was so happy Lynch was going home and seconds before they "voted" I just KNEW the judges were going to keep that ham. Damn.

Posted by: MrsKirby | April 8, 2010 9:02 AM | Report abuse

There is no way that Michael should be the one to have gone home last night. Andrew was awful, Siobhan was even more awful. I can't understand the voters...then again, Idol doesn't speak to my musical tastes...

Posted by: hlef | April 8, 2010 9:07 AM | Report abuse

BIG MIKE!! This is going to be an interesting season, because the likes of Crystal will win it all :-). I like Crystal, but I can't see me purchasing her album. For the person who said Luther Vandross is/was not talent--WHAT!! There never was and will never be another Luther Vandross...that's solid soul; the best of the best. The only person I could listen to 40 straight hours of his music and still want more. RIP Luther; there will never be another you!

Posted by: Beingsensible | April 8, 2010 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Mike should have gone- He is nothing different- has a good voice but is so very arrogant and almost nasty- they should not have a SAVE! Let the process happen- it's American Idol not the Judges Idol-
He thinks he is Luther Vandross but there will never be another Vandross- He will be gone next week-
This year the show is almost not watchable-- they should just cancel..

Posted by: gg77 | April 8, 2010 9:46 AM | Report abuse

Lisa, a little note. McCartney didn't "count his money" after this week's performances. He doesn't own the publishing rights to his Beatles songs. Michael Jackson did, which means his heirs made money this week.

Posted by: baltova1 | April 8, 2010 9:46 AM | Report abuse

The idol judges saved Michael because he's the only African-American left on the show and the quick exit of the African-American contestants started smelling of racism. Sad but true.

Posted by: diehardlib | April 8, 2010 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Like bdean1, I am not a big fan of Michael as a person. I get all sorts of bully vibes. I can do without Mike challenging the judges to muscle pose downs, or picking up Ryan over his head. It is the alpha dog trying to assert his dominance over the other dogs.

However, this is singing contest, and I can overlook my personal dislike of him and view him strictly from a contestant point of view. Mike is a top 2-4 contestant. He does not deserve elimination now. This is a valid use of the save.

The save, when used properly, is a valuable addition the show. However, last year's improper use on Matt Giraud has tainted it. Now it looks like Mike got by on a gimmick, even though I believe that is not the case.

Posted by: niceshoes1 | April 8, 2010 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Quick Exit- Quick exit??????? A quick exit would have been at the top 24 exit or the top 12- this is it- Someone has to go everyweek- What has happened to this Country???? I think that is not a valid statement- It's the American Idol for goodness sake not CNN or MSNBC news!
Let's get real!!!

Posted by: gg77 | April 8, 2010 10:02 AM | Report abuse

When Timjaya finally gets the axe next week Sam Jackson should come out on stage and give him the whole "And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!" speech from Pulp Fiction.

Posted by: ozpunk | April 8, 2010 10:13 AM | Report abuse

Does anyone besides the dopes posting here still watch that drivel,,id almost listen to the excuses for tiger woods jungle fever.

Posted by: gonville1 | April 8, 2010 10:39 AM | Report abuse

I can't stand to watch the results shows, so appreciate the recap. You can use this column for a template every week - "blah, blah, blah, be yourself", etc, pretty much covers it.

So are 2 eliminated next week?

Posted by: kirstenpaulson | April 8, 2010 10:42 AM | Report abuse

Mike comes on too much as "I'm the guy to beat." He should play it humble next time, as if he just stumbled in to this thing from off the street and is not quite sure where he's at.

Posted by: HATHTUF | April 8, 2010 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Mike comes on too much as "I'm the guy to beat." He should come on more humble next time, as if he just wandered into this thing from the street and isn't quite sure why he is even there.

Posted by: HATHTUF | April 8, 2010 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Does anyone know the demographic breakdown of Idol viewers? I suspect they are, like me, mostly white and middle class. I thought it was telling that the bottom two yesterday were the two minority contestants. I don't think it shows overt racism as much it reflects the demographic data on the viewers.

Big Mike deserved the save. I do not think he is likely to win, but he certainly is a top-five talent of this year's candidates. And unlike some other posters I do not think he is a phoney. He is very talented.

Posted by: lolson1 | April 8, 2010 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Oh gee, "gonvill1" don't be so hard on yourself.

I agree with some of the posters about Lynch, like I already said, I don't care for him. His attitude is the reason. Alpha dog indeed. I hope he goes home next week and yes, even before Tim, whom I also don't care for!

Posted by: MrsKirby | April 8, 2010 11:01 AM | Report abuse

For the life of me I cannot figure out why people who don't like this show get into the comments and make disparaging remarks about people who do. If you don't want to watch it, that's your decision; but that doesn't give you the right to put down others who do. Go somewhere else where you just might be appreciated--not here.

Posted by: mbrumble | April 8, 2010 11:03 AM | Report abuse

"Does anyone know the demographic breakdown of Idol viewers? I suspect they are, like me, mostly white and middle class. I thought it was telling that the bottom two yesterday were the two minority contestants. I don't think it shows overt racism as much it reflects the demographic data on the viewers."

I suspect young female teens 8-18 make a big part of it. I suspect they vote for cute male contestants under 25. This might explain why there are only 3 women left and 6 men left. Certainly talent doesn't explain it. :)

Posted by: niceshoes1 | April 8, 2010 11:41 AM | Report abuse

What does the Lisa De B!tch has against the people in idol? Does she thinks it is cute to use derogatory comments to refer to them? I think not! You can be critical and show class without them. On my eyes I have failed, but on Lisa De B!tch I must be cool.

Posted by: hock1 | April 8, 2010 4:14 PM | Report abuse

What?

Posted by: DoorKnob1 | April 8, 2010 5:47 PM | Report abuse

diehardlib: I find it offensive that you accused the judges of only saving Michael because he's black. Whether you like his personality or not, Michael is a talented singer. Remember, they didn't save the other remaining black contestant. In fact, they didn't even let her sing for her life as they did all of the white contestants. If anything, they discriminated against her rather than favoring him.

You're just one of those white people that is so sure that black people are inferior to whites, that when anything good happens to a black person you accuse us of being stupid or talentless and getting something only "because we're black." Shame on you and your racism.

Posted by: PhDiva | April 9, 2010 3:27 PM | Report abuse

I have an theory as to why they saved
"Big Mike" maybe it is because before
he was on Idol, he was a Co/writer with a guy named "Aaron Albano"
http://www.mingsmusic.com/
it really is a SMALL world,
Guess who was in the cast of wicked with
Adam Lambert.
That's right..Aaron Albano
http://oz.wikia.com/wiki/Wicked_cast_lists
Original 1st National Tour Cast (2005)

Small world ..Huh?

Posted by: billsmith197699 | April 9, 2010 4:25 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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