'American Idol' says so-long to Katie and Andrew
"American Idol" Elvis Elimination Night opens with Tuesday's mentor/last year's Big Deal (but not winner) Adam Lambert telling the camera that it's a really tough competition and if someone from this year's batch of Idolettes want to win it they're going to have to Wake Up. Poor Lambert -- still hoping.
This week two of the Idolettes will go home, because the judges used their Judges Save last week to keep Michael Lynche around.
More than 34 million votes were cast this week says show host Ryan Seacrest, who has calmed down considerably from the previous night, when he managed to frighten both young girls and an old woman in the audience with his manic behavior.
Before the Idolette whacking gets underway, it's time for the "American Idol" Elvis Tune Medley Group Lip Sync. Through the miracle of modern music producing, they manage to make all the guys sound exactly alike, and all the chicks like they sing with one voice too. This may be the least dance-worthy batch of Idolettes ever, though it's the best Group Walk we've seen since visiting the outlet mall last weekend.
One Sponsor Car Company Youth Market Car Model Music Video later, it's time for another Seabiscuit Moment of High Tension and Drama, as Casey James, Andrew Garcia, and Aaron Kelly are called to center stage. Their sins are read out loud:
"Fell short" (Casey)
"Failed to make it young" (Aaron)
"Needs more swagger" (Andrew).
We expect a drawn out verdict per usual. But Seabiscuit, Master of Pacing, suddenly ends the Moment of High Tension and Drama by bringing the boom down on Andrew. Andrew takes the blow calmly and is hustled into his final tune, "You Give Me Something" much to our disappointment since we'd been hoping he'd sing "Straight Up" - the only tune he ever got right, according to the judge's weekly reviews -- and the judges could have said in unison: "See, THAT'S what we're talkin' about!" in response to which Andrew could have given them the same kind of verbal smacking around Siobhan gave them one night earlier. That would have been great TV.
Next week the show will broadcast its Idol Gives Back charity fundraiser. To plug that broadcast, the producers show us former Idolette Elliott Yamin escorting "Idol" judge Kara DioGuardi to Angola to visit an orphanage where Gives Back money is building a new dormitory. After the clip, Seabiscuit announces some of the fundraiser's performers: Annie Lennox, Blackeyed Peas, Elton John, Mary J. Blige.
Time for the occasional American Idol: Why Them? Duet. This time it's former Idolette Nanny White, performing with someone named Justin Gaston, who introduced as the star of the Web series "If I Can Dream." Justin is very short on talent. On the other hand, he's Mr. Miley Cyrus-Ex, which apparently merits a starring role in this Web series which, in turn, is produced by 'Idol' producer Simon Fuller - 'Idol' on which Cyrus mentored this season. Yes, the music industry is that incestuous.
Nanny White and Mr. Miley-Ex sing a tune; it is available -- for free -- on iTunes.
Time for more results. Seabiscuit calls out all the remaining Idolettes who have yet heard their fates tonight.
Seabiscuit performs Lee Dewyze's weekly mental-health and ego check: Lee says he's starting feel like he's on a show. He's also feeling more comfortable, he adds uncomfortably.
They're not going to give Siobhan Magnus a chance to speak after last night's Simon thumping.
Katie Stevens has her story down: "Like I said before, I just want to make a point to grow each week and show that I'm getting better and I'm learning from this whole experience."
Seabiscuit asks Michael Lynche how the Judge's Save affected him. "It makes me extremely grateful for every moment," Michael says.
Seabiscuit once again performs the Bonnie Raitt invocation on Crystal Bowersox.
Tim Urban's performance this week is once again likened to binge drinking and, once again, we think it's intended as a compliment.
Crystal, and Siobhan are declared safe. Lee gets the Seabiscuit Moment of High Tension and Drama (Walking Version), before Seabiscuit physically sits Lee down in his safety seat. Tim, Michael and Katie are left to wait out Adam Lambert's number.
Oh, and next week's theme is Inspirational Music, and Alicia Keys will mentor.
Lambert comes out to sing "What Do You Want From Me," which is his single. He's in the dark, stuck in some kind of low pressure weather pattern with a lot of swirling clouds, like a Weather Channel music video. Lambert breaks out in to a laser light show. He's dressed in a silver lame, pearl-studded jacket, with lots of eyeliner and mascara and his black hair in a pompadour do -- kind of like if David Bowie had gone through an Elvis phase. Lambert shows the kids how to sell a song, that's for sure. Kids, take notes. Oh, never mind -- why bother.
Back to the Bottom 3: Seabiscuit says Tim Urban is safe, having already given up on his idea to get everyone to call Tim Urban "Turban" which he proposed Tuesday night. That Seabiscuit sure was some kinda crazy on Tuesday.
It's down to Michael and Katie. Seabiscuit reveals that while one of them is going home, the other was not actually in the Bottom 3 this week. Which can only mean Katie is going home because if Katie was not in the Bottom 3 but Michael was, the Judge's Save would have been all for naught and Seabiscuit would be jumping about the stage and squeaking about it.
Instead, he says that "After the nationwide vote, the person leaving the competition tonight is -- Katie."
Katie sings her final song as a competing Idolettes. It is Exhibit E-H as to why she should be leaving the competition.
Andrew is brought back out to stand with Katie. Seabiscuit says "congratulations" to the two of them. And, as the show sails off into the sunset, we are left scratching our heads and wondering whether Seabiscuit knows something he's not telling us about "American Idol" that he would congratulate the two people who are getting out.
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