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'American Idol' down to 5

"American Idol" opens Wednesday with host Ryan Seacrest announcing Shakira is going to sing a duet with Rascal Flatts tonight, which is great - we can't wait to hear Shakira sing after enjoying her mentoring of the Idolettes on Tuesday. Wait just a darned minute - Shakira, not Shania? Shakira and Her Undulating Hips performing during country-music week?


Siobhan Magnus bids 'Idol' farewell. (Michael Becker -- Fox) Click on image to see gallery of performance highlights from Tuesday night.

A full 33 million votes were cast Tuesday night, says Seabiscuit.

Before dueting with Shakira, Rascal Flatts will first perform a number sans Shakira. Rascal Flatts has the least dynamic ever front man, who keeps playing with his earpiece. Does it have call-waiting? It appears the group is subbing for the traditional Results Night Group Lip Sync.

Fortunately, however, the Ford music video has survived. And, in honor of it being country-music week in 'Idol,' it has a vampire theme. We always say that sucking the blood of young virgins and a fun driving experience go together like burger and fries.
The music video/car commercial has a wonderful storyline: the Idolettes are all vampires, except Michael Lynche who is way too beefy. So he plays the Mustang convertible owner who is driving a pizza, with extra garlic, over the river and through the woods on a dark and dreary night, which drives the Vampire Idolettes away - the garlic, that is, not the Mustang. Is this a metaphor for the judges having saved Michael from the viewers who wanted him gone a few weeks ago? Is Ford Motor Company suggesting we are vampires?

No time to think about that. It's time for a commercial for "Shrek: The Final Chapter" in which, Seabiscuit says, "I play a small but pivotal part.

Plenty of clips from the movie later, the Idolettes work with the actual director of "Shrek: The Final Chapter," to play at doing voiceovers for the movie. Michael plays Shrek, naturally. Then the Idolettes are herded off to watch the new "Shrek," which is a 3-D flick. We get to watch them watching a movie while wearing 3-D glasses. It makes for brilliant television. And, in a major upset to all of infomercial-dom, every single one of the Idolettes - loves the movie! Siobhan Magnus pronounces it the best 3-D movie she's ever seen.

In one of those incredible coincidence that always seem to be happening in Hollywood, Cameron Diaz and Antonio Banderas, voiceover stars of "Shrek: The Final Chapter," show up on the "Idol" stage at this moment to visit with their co-star Seabiscuit. He tells them it's the most emotional "Shrek" yet. In return, Diaz and Banderas tell Seabiscuit he's the best host in the world. Then there's a loud pop, and the "Idol" air is filled with the exploded fragments of Seabiscuit's over-swelled head.

Seabiscuit starts moving the Idolettes around on stage like chess pieces: First he sends Siobhan to one end of the stage, Aaron Kelly to the middle, and Michael to the other end. Lee DeWyze is sent over to Siobhan, Casey James joins Michael after judge Kara DioGuardi explains to Seabiscuit that she has always been a huge fan of Casey's singing talent since she had him strip off his shirt during the auditions. Crystal Bowersox is sent to stand with Aaron. Then Siobhan is told to move over with Michael and Casey, and Seabiscuit reveals they are this week's Bottom 3 vote getters.

Former 'Idol' winner Carrie Underwood shows up to introduce us to her warm-up act, Sons of Sylvia, who won Fox's failed 'Idol' spinoff, "The Next Great American Band" when they were masquerading as the Clark Brothers. At any rate, Sons of Sylvia nicely tie in the night's two themes - "country" and "vampire," with their sallow faces, black leather, and fiddle-playing lead.

Harry Connick Jr. is going to mentor next week's Top 5 Idolettes in the tunes of Frank Sinatra, Seabiscuit announces. This can only mean Ricky Martin will be performing on results night next week. Please, oh please let Michael be tossed off tonight so we don't have to listen to him club a Sinatra song to death, like a baby seal, with his chest thumping and over-emoting.

Seabiscuit is now seated in the audience next to, he says, a Kardashian. Didn't George Lopez show up in "Idol" last week to compete judge Ellen the Generous to a Kardashian which made less than no sense at the time? Is this show now doing Kardashian product placement on top of all the other product plugging?

Time for Lady Antebellum to perform, followed quickly by Shakira who, Seabiscuit says, has just arrived at the "Idol" set to sing that duet with Rascal Flatts. Shakira comes out playing a harmonica. We can't see the Idol judges but their outrage must be towering. "You have to decide what kind of artist you want to be - Latin hottie or harmonica playing country!" they want to shout at her.

Two dancers join her and they all start undulating and waving their long skirts around. Rascal Flatts's lead tries a little harmonizing with her - but as little as possible - while continuing to take calls on his earpiece.

After this ritual is over, Seabiscuit asks Shakira what advice she has for the Idolettes, and she says she's reminded of a quote from Teddy Roosevelt: "Keep your eyes on the stars but your feet on the ground." We recognize the quote, though we think the latter bit was: "...but remember to keep your feet on the ground" because it's one of the Roosevelt quotes you run into if when you visit Roosevelt Island in the Potomac, near Washington.

Roosevelt apparently made this comment at a prep school in Massachusetts, in 1904 during the school's Prize Day exercises. And now, every time you visit Roosevelt Island national memorial, you will think of Shakira and her undulating hips. You are welcome.

Seabiscuit announces that Michael will survive to club a Sinatra tune. Likewise Casey. Siobhan is out.

After re-singing that portion of "Think" that brought Siobhan so much praise from everyone, except judge Simon Cowell, early on in the live competition, she gives her family members in the audience a hug, which inspires Seabiscuit to order her to walk over to Simon and give him a hug. This makes perfect sense given that Simon has never praised a Siobhan performance since the live competition began.

Siobhan also hugs the other judges including Ellen who - in less than a second - makes it all about herself, with "see you tomorrow on my show!"

Never miss another "American Idol" after-show analysis. Text "IDOL"
to 98999 to have a link to Lisa de Moraes's blog post sent directly to
your phone.

By Lisa de Moraes  |  April 29, 2010; 7:00 AM ET
Categories:  "American Idol"  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: American Idol Live! tour hits DC area July 23
Next: Harry Connick Jr. steals 'American Idol' Sinatra night

Comments

I tuned in just as the Rascal Flatts guy was singing - and he was so bad that I just turned it off. If they want people to watch they should at least start off the show with someone both recognizable and good.

On another note, I never got the Siobhan craze so was not surprised she was voted off. She was always seemed uncomfortable and you never knew whether she was going to hit the right note or not. (Of course that can be said of most of the contestants this year.)

Posted by: barbnc | April 29, 2010 8:13 AM | Report abuse

Seacrest / Seabiscuit
that's cute =}

Posted by: b9966 | April 29, 2010 8:36 AM | Report abuse

Second AGAIN!!

Posted by: igetdeadbeats | April 29, 2010 8:36 AM | Report abuse

Everyone knows Teddy Roosevelt stole that quote from Casey Kasem.

Posted by: jd121 | April 29, 2010 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Thank God the hockey game was on ESPN. Every time one of the "stars" slid up to the mic to start vocalizing, I just hit the "previous channel" button.

Posted by: disposall | April 29, 2010 9:01 AM | Report abuse

T Roosevelt 1858-1919

Posted by: b9966 | April 29, 2010 9:02 AM | Report abuse

'Then there's a loud pop, and the "Idol" air is filled with the exploded fragments of Seabiscuit's over-swelled head.'

If only this part were true... *sigh*

Posted by: jes11 | April 29, 2010 9:07 AM | Report abuse

When they announced Shakira was performing with Rascal Flatts I thought, now there's a combination to produce a bouncy Latin-flavored number perfect for Zumba®™ Class. In fact, I wondered if the Zumba®™ people had cooked this up. But no, it didn't have a great beat and you couldn't dance to it. I give it a grade of 42. (If you don't remember Dick Clark you're baffled by now.)

Speaking of Dick Clark, it looked for a time that Seacrest wanted to style himself after him, but his ego has blown him off the track. What's with his ordering contestants to hug and kiss people this week? First with Casey and Shania Twain and then with Siobhan? As my teenage son would say, AWK-waaaaaard! Who does he think he is, SeaChrist?

Posted by: owingsmills | April 29, 2010 9:12 AM | Report abuse

YES Siobhan is gone!!!!!! What a perfect ending, she has been more than horrible. Good luck with the glass blowing. Sinatra performances next week? Yawn...

2 corrections to previous comments -

disposall - Hockey has not been shown on ESPN since 2004.

owingsmills - Seacrest did not tell Casey to kiss Shania, it was Simon who sent Casey over to kiss Shania. You had the ego's mixed up.

Posted by: MasonNation | April 29, 2010 10:13 AM | Report abuse

"And now, every time you visit Roosevelt Island national memorial, you will think of Shakira and her undulating hips. You are welcome." I don't even care about Idol, but I read this column religiously to get a good laugh. Seriously, when are the idiots at the Post going to buy a clue and nominate L de M for a Pulitzer?

Posted by: otdoc321 | April 29, 2010 10:48 AM | Report abuse

MasonNation: I stand corrected. But both were uncomfortable moments. It's gotta stop.

I'll miss quirky Siobhan. She was uneven due to her lack of experience I guess, but she was talented and livened things up. I think her Sinatra night performance would have been interesting, and her Sinatra night outfit!...sorry we don't get to see that. With the right material, maybe she could be the next Cyndi Lauper.

Posted by: owingsmills | April 29, 2010 10:52 AM | Report abuse

I thought it was particularly cruel of Ryan to say to Siobhan,"Walk with me over to the seats"---implying she was safe---only to deposit her with the two guys and declare that she was in the bottom three.

I never for a minute thought Siobhan would win this thing, but have always been interested to hear what she would do next. Saving Michael Lynche was such a boneheaded move; the judges should have kept the save for Siobhan.

And what on earth will Casey or Aaron do with Frank Sinatra???

Posted by: chantooz | April 29, 2010 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Love her her loathe her, Siobahn was about the only source of interest and unpredictability left as the show trudges dutifully on its way to a Crystal/Lee final. I'll miss her.

Posted by: NotDoc | April 29, 2010 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Lynche should have gone and then Aaron and then Casey. The top 3 should have been Lee, Crystal and Siobhan. What is wrong with America? Go Lee !!.... You have been my fav since the very beginning.

Posted by: maris1 | April 29, 2010 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Shrek: The Final Chapter. Promise?

Posted by: JoeMinDC | April 29, 2010 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Didn't get the Shakira harmonica/gypsy thing but I think I liked it.

I think I figured out the reason I have never cared for Siobahn. Her voice is too thin, sounds like listening to a radio with no bass. Sure she can belt it out, but there is nothing supporting her voice. Use the diaphragm, girl and give that your throat a little rest.

Irks me how Michael takes up 5-6 feet of stage by standing with his legs spread way apart. Yeah, I know he'd fall over if he stood any other way, but it still bothers me. Makes him look like a bouncer.

Hated Crystal's dread hat last night. Was suprised there was no snark from Pookie about it.

Posted by: hodie | April 29, 2010 11:41 AM | Report abuse

I wish Siobhan would have focused on just singing the melody. But with her gone, I'm done for the season.

Posted by: RossEmery | April 29, 2010 12:05 PM | Report abuse

Apparently Mike Myers could not be bothered to show up... Just further evidence how far this show has gone down the drain. Siobhan was always a free spirit/caged bird with a Mary Poppins tattoo, but now she is set free to fly and be eaten by a much larger bird and never heard from again.

Posted by: ozpunk | April 29, 2010 12:27 PM | Report abuse

owingsmills, your SeaChrist was spot on...and very clever.

Ryan Seacrest, with his walking Siobhan over to the "safe" seats (wink, wink), has now officially earned a title that I cannot type on a public forum.

Dude, where I come from, we have a sayin'...you have gotten too big for your britches.

The Shakira/Rascal Flatts pairing was too abstract. It frightened me.

Next week, Iggy Pop and Charlotte Church...sing Sinatra!

Posted by: ILoveToSinga | April 29, 2010 12:38 PM | Report abuse

Always look forward to Lisa's recaps!

Posted by: seaduck2001 | April 29, 2010 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Well, you've all made me laugh today - from SeaChrist to Iggy Pop and Charlotte Church - an imagine I will have on endless mind loop for days, I'm sure.

While I didn't really see Siobhan going home before Aaron - I did think that of all of them, she managed to do the least with Twain's mentoring suggestions. Stalking and stomping around the stage in army boots to designated "marks" - isn't injecting "personality" - or if it's personality - it's a robotic one, but not as cute as R2D2 or C3PO.

I was also mystified about why no one ever called her on her nasal quality.

As for Sinatra - Lord help him. If High School Student Aaron takes on "New York New York" (one of the "biggest" big songs he'd seem to like) I'll have to drink a fifth of vodka. There are surely some wheel-less wheelhouses left on that stage, aren't there?!

Posted by: jqw3827 | April 29, 2010 1:40 PM | Report abuse

I'm going to throw a Statue of Liberty snowglobe at the TV if any one of them does "New York, New York" or "My Way". But it's probably inevitable.

Posted by: ILoveToSinga | April 29, 2010 2:28 PM | Report abuse

After Mike Myers bombed so horribly plugging "The Love Guru" during the finale the year David Cook won, I don't think they'll have him back...or maybe he's too mortified to show his face again. I mean, that was memorably bad, rather than forgettably bad.

Posted by: SheldonAlexandria | April 29, 2010 2:33 PM | Report abuse

I'm out too. Everyone on the show blows like a gale on the coast. Caps and Siobhan on the same day is tough. I'll keep reading though.

Posted by: DoorKnob1 | April 29, 2010 2:40 PM | Report abuse

How in blazes is Fat Mike STILL around? How arrogant could the judges be to keep him on after "America" spoke, and the verdict was "America" didn't want to see his cocky, entitled self anymore. Now watch him soar to the Top 3, at least (watch out Lee and Casey!).

At least he's cut down on all the stupid preening and strutting and chest pounding. Gotta look for the positives, I guess.

Posted by: BMoreChil | April 29, 2010 2:46 PM | Report abuse

ozpunk: Siobhan's tattoo is, to her credit, a reproduction of an Edward Gorey illustration. (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100401095110AAl6r09)

I'll miss her--one of the more interesting competitors in a decidedly dull season. And to see Big Mike still in the game...Oh, the humanity!

Posted by: verybendy | April 29, 2010 3:03 PM | Report abuse

Siobhan was a reason to tune in. Talented, beautiful, never new what she would do when you tuned in.
Alas, with the 5 remaining, you know about 95% sure what they will do, how they will sing in exactly what style, what usual manifestations of their personality will be displayed. That is, for the 2 of the 5 with actual personalities.

That makes for no reason to watch Idol anymore.
While the judges heavily pimped Crytsal may sing well - you sort of know exactly how it will be like all other Crystal songs going down.
The 5% surprise will be if Casey bothers to show up and compete. But even when he sang great he was Bottom 2 two weeks running because Cougars don't text 400 times at 10PM on. They have lives and jobs.

So bye-bye Siobhan and bye-bye a reason why millions tuned in to the show.

Posted by: ChrisFord1 | April 29, 2010 4:37 PM | Report abuse

Great recap, Lisa. It is always amazing to me how you can make sense out of what seemed senseles at the time, such as the recurrent country-vampire motif. And your take on things is so funny that it makes my day.

I agree with everyone who is sad to see Siobhan go. She was so interesting. Of the ones who are left, only Casey and Crystal surprise me with their performances. I might like Crystal better if she were not so clearly the judges' favorite. Their favoritism to her is probably the reason they were so unfair to Siobhan. So, I am pulling for Casey.

Posted by: nthwoods1 | May 1, 2010 8:12 AM | Report abuse

A teenager of 16 years demonstrates his love for the United States. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_D98kervNA

Posted by: douemma | May 1, 2010 4:47 PM | Report abuse

A teenager of 16 years demonstrates his love for the United States. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_D98kervNA

Posted by: douemma | May 1, 2010 4:47 PM | Report abuse

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