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Didi out, Diddy sings on 'American Idol'

"American Idol" makes history Wednesday when R&B Week results night opens with The Most Egregious Product Placement in the History of TV: a mashup of footage from the new "Clash of the Titans" flick - Zeus's mortal son, perilous journey, must stop evil underworld, blah, blah, blah -- and footage from this season of the singing competition.

And speaking of the mythic past, the show's second-season winner, Ruben Studdard comes on stage to remind us of a time when Idol contestants had personalities and the show had a heart. The Velvet Teddy bear has lost a lot of weight -- he's a vegan now and works out every day. Ruben and his runner up, Clay Aiken - the Kris Allen and Adam Lambert of their day - are going on tour together this summer.

Show host Ryan Seacrest, having failed to make Idolette Didi Benami cry last night, is filled with pent up frustration. He tries to bait Idolette Andrew Garcia by reminding him the judges think he's a boring guy. "They don't really hang out with me," Andrew says, shrugging it off. Seabiscuit then drags Andrew's mama into the debate, asking her what she wants to say to her son about it all.

She tells him to be himself "cause Mama raised him right."

"She's so cute," Seabiscuit says, gnashing his teeth. Andrew is safe.

More egregious product placement for That Movie We Will No Longer Mention.

Time for our regular check-in with Lee Dewyze's psyche. Heaps of praise later, Lee nearly smiles. Progress! Lee is safe.

Casey James refuses to make a firm commitment to improve himself next week. So Seabiscuit stings him with one of his You're In the Bottom 3, by Which I Mean You're Safe fake-outs. Casey's safe.

Next, Seabiscuit is back to ragging on teenager Aaron Kelly about his age, this time on the basis that Aaron's too callow to sing a love song. Judge Simon Cowell won't play along: "It's not 'The Oprah Winfrey Show'," Simon sneers. "It's called 'American Idol' -- go back to the singing."

Seabiscuit says he's wants Simon to cough up some actual advice in return for all that money they're paying him to appear on the show. The two men spend a few moments swapping insults. It's as much fun as watching a couple whose marriages is on the rocks get into a loud argument at a restaurant. Anyway, Aaron's safe, though everyone's too uncomfortable to take notice.

Seabiscuit finally asks Siobhan Magnus and Katie Stevens to both stand.

"I'm not defeated!" Siobhab, wearing her lucky duct-tape boots -- good for her -- says in answer to the producers setting her up at the beginning of the show with video chosen to make her look weak.

Ryan loves the Katie Genre Debate: is she country, is she pop? He brings it up again in an effort to gin up another confrontation with Simon. When Katie is revealed to be in the Bottom 3, suddenly Seabiscuit is all back in Simon's face, accusing him of gloating over Katie landing in the week's Bottom 3 after not listening to his advice that she stick with country tunes. But this time, the director does us a huge favor and does not go into See Every Face Pore full-screen mode on Ryan as he tries to bully Simon.

"You are really getting on my nerves tonight," Simon says, but he's speaking for us all.

The producers realize they have not plugged That Movie in at least seven minutes. We go to break so they can fix that.

Look! Justin Bieber is in the audience! I don't see anybody dinging HIM for being 16, or asking if he's ever been in love.

Justin and Seabiscuit watch this week's mentor, Usher, sing to us:

Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow,
Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow.

Based on his coaching of the Idolettes this week, we know Usher's really feeling these lyrics, which explains the jump-rope dance steps interspersed with the Michael Jackson moves, if Michael had lived and grown old.

Didi is told to stand up. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Didi, stop talking and start crying -- you're in the Bottom 3!

Judge Ellen The Generous calls Idolette Michael Lynche "Tiny Mike" because he's so sensitive. Michael doesn't seem to like it much, and takes it out on Seabiscuit, picking him up by his neck and shaking him when Seabiscuit tries out one of his fake-outs on Mike. We all give silent thanks to Michael. He's safe.

"I'm fine -- don't worry. That scared me to death," Seabiscuit squeaks.

Crystal Bowersox is back to her comfort zone in a big wool hat and boots. After the past two weeks in which she asked Miley Cyrus to autograph her guitar, and then put on stilettos and a short tight dress, we were getting worried/over her. She's safe.

Judge Kara DioGuardi thinks the reason Idolette Tim Urban is always smiling is because he does not understand the harsh things the judges are saying to him about his performances. But Tim has a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he's smiling: he's on "American Idol." Tim smiles when told he's also in the Bottom 3.

Hey! It's P Puff Diddy Daddy -- only now he goes by Diddy Dirty Money. We think. It's hard to keep up with the Many Names of Diddy. Hey, Lee, see what the judges mean by swagger? Hey, Casey, see what they mean by owning the stage? Hey, Siobhan, see what they mean by hitting the high notes? Oh, OK, not that. P Puff Diddy Daddy encourages the Idolettes, acknowledging that he too "was nervous" getting up on that stage, too. Hear that, Didi?

Oh, too late. Didi has to sing for the save. You gave her the fewest votes this week. Simon says no dice on saving her after she sings, though she sounded gobs better than the previous night. Bye bye Didi. By Bye Diddy Daddy. Bye Bye Usher.

By Lisa de Moraes  |  April 1, 2010; 7:05 AM ET
Categories:  "American Idol"  
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Next: "The Real World: D.C." crashes and burns

Comments

Seacrest is really becoming obnoxious and boring with his confrontations with Cowell. And his antics do not add any value to the show. Time for a new host.

Posted by: builder701 | April 1, 2010 7:32 AM | Report abuse

Usher was good in performance, but has been better. Great mentor, though.
DeMoraes is a little odd noting that the recorded chorus hit the high notes Siobhan strugged with. Send the Odd, Talented One to studio and I bet she can come out with a decent set of high notes as Diddy's lip-synchers.
"Big Mike" is beginning to irritate me. Cheesy and I think he is phony. Every moment he is out there, he seems to be acting a part "Hey, look at me! I'm the lovable huggy huggy big man!"

Seacrest transitioned from annoying to A-hole last night.

Siobhan stood up to the judges again when called out for more juicy "lets talk about the last thing you want to talk about after 10 minutes of pummeling yesterday...." Wasn't snotty or defiant...though on Tuesday she had definitely slipped into the defensive. Tonight she handled the 2nd round of beating up on her pretty well. "Lots of reasons, but I won't make excuses, never have in my life"....and, real good ...simply stating she "wasn't defeated".
Had it been Didi she would have begun crying, bringing up how the friend who died in 2005 believed in her so much, how she completely gets the slight flaws and would easily get the song perfect next time...

Posted by: ChrisFord1 | April 1, 2010 7:33 AM | Report abuse

Great review of the show. You really captured the mood of the night. And thank goodness your review was fun, because re-living the whole show again would have been otherwise boring and cruel. Now, if we can just get Lee a set of b*lls, so he at least looks like he's interested in taking home the prize, we might have a decent winner.

Posted by: chick1 | April 1, 2010 7:46 AM | Report abuse

Not surprised Didi's going home but oh how I wish it had been Brady Bunch Boy. Wonder who "America" is going to take out next week instead of teflon boy.

Posted by: MILWI | April 1, 2010 8:17 AM | Report abuse

Great coverage, Lisa. You filled in all the bits I didn't see or could not quite make out in your most distinctive way. Please keep it up. Ryan, on the other hand, please quit trying to create controversy, drama, or whatever it is you are doing and go back to being funny and charming. You are better when you react than when you try to control. I for one thought his reaction to Big Mike was hilarious.

Posted by: nthwoods | April 1, 2010 8:27 AM | Report abuse

Seacrest is becoming a real bore. thanks for the dvr. I think Simon is not joking with this get out of my face. The show is about the singers not Seacrest. Great review, best on the web.

Posted by: huskygil | April 1, 2010 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Actually, Seacrest's question to Simon that kicked off all of the unpleasantness was a perfectly host-like, professional question: Simon, what advice would you give a young inexperienced kid about how to sing songs about life experiences he hasn't had yet? Nothing insulting or outrageous about that, but Simon pretty much gave him the finger. You can't blame it all on Seabiscuit.

That being said, the patter between the two of them has always been the least interesting, most annoying part of the show.

Posted by: fmjk | April 1, 2010 9:20 AM | Report abuse

Hope to see a regular feature of the show that Big Mike picks up paid members of the Idol staff and shakes them. Like maybe next time Ellen condescends to Aaron about how amazing it is that he can sing a song though he's "only" 16.

Posted by: DC2LA | April 1, 2010 10:37 AM | Report abuse

The best part about the crapfest that is American Idol (and I admit, I watch it regularly) is the post game analysis by Lisa de Moraes. I've been reading it since the column "We Watch So You Don't Have To" It's a laugh out loud delight and she always manages to capture the essence of every show. Regarding Teflon Tim, he may be saved for another week because of all the tweenies and the folks at votefortheworst.com who robo-dial every week. Having someone who is truly awful (Sanjaya?) week after week makes the whole show a little more entertaining. Agree with the other posters about the Seabiscuit annoyance factor.

Posted by: salome2 | April 1, 2010 10:46 AM | Report abuse

Tehehe, you wrote boobies...

Posted by: ozpunk | April 1, 2010 12:46 PM | Report abuse

My favorite moment was when Simon turned to Kara and, referring to Seacrest, muttered, "What is WRONG with him tonight?" What indeed? Seacrest seemed almost manic, strutting around in high energy mode, full of his own importance, oblivious to the effect he was creating. It was very uncomfortable to watch.

Posted by: chantooz | April 1, 2010 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Ryan Seacrest is a lot like a gnat - little, all in your face and you just want to swat him.

I don't know what becomes of the broken hearted, but perhaps Didi B. can send us all a postcard and we'll find out.

But Lisa, seriously, you have to leave middle-aged women OUT of the Teflon Tim equation. Totally. Middle aged women were not into the Brady Bunch when they were "that" age. The Brady Bunch was loved by my 10-year younger cousin: i.e., little girls.

The older teens were already into the "potentially sexually dangerous" rocker bad boys. And no - I don't mean "potentially sexually dangerous" like crotch-grabbing Usher. He looked more to me like a guy in need of some "product" from the drug store - like Kwell, for example. Yucky - but not "dangerous" (nor musical, I might add).

Posted by: jqw3827 | April 1, 2010 2:24 PM | Report abuse

One of the hightlights of last night's show was Seacrest's facial expression after Big Mike put him back down on the ground. Seacraft appeared to be laughing during the incident, but at the tail end of it he gave Mike a look that said, "All right, cut it out." The sniping between Seacrest and Cowell is uncomfortable, but the fact that it's a live show makes one wonder when that sniping will boil over.

Posted by: EasyDecisions | April 1, 2010 2:32 PM | Report abuse

I was happy to learn that Alex Lambert is going to be on Simon Fuller's show If I Can Dream.

Posted by: nthwoods1 | April 2, 2010 9:09 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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