'American Idol' down to 4
"Happy Cinco de Mayo, ladies and gentlemen!" "American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest says at the top of Wednesday's results show.
More than 32 million people voted, he notes. This is fewer votes than the show clocked at the same point last year, he does not note.
Because it's Frank Sinatra week, the remaining five Idolettes do a medley of Ol' Blue Eyes numbers. They are all dressed in what's supposed to be Sinatra tribute attire, which the wardrobe department has confused with Blues Brothers tribute attire. They start with "The Lady is a Tramp." Because Crystal Bowersox is the only remaining chick Idolette, she gets elected centerpiece of the song. Aaron Kelly sings the opening of "It Was a Very Good Year" - "When I was 17, it was a very good year" - because, as "Idol" producers never tire of reminding us, he is -- 17!
Seabiscuit announces that Jamie Foxx - winner of the Most Full of Himself Mentor Ever prize and rumored to be Fox network's top choice to replace Simon Cowell on the show next season--will get a do-over next week.
Two French bulldogs totally upstage a poison green Ford Fiesta in this week's car company music video.
A day-in-the-life video segment is next. Did you know that before they became competitors on "American Idol" the top five Idolettes used to do Other Things on Tuesdays? Sad little things like changing diapers, taking a 7 a.m .meeting with a client in need of personal training, going to school, and working in a paint shop. On the bright side, none of them makes a living pretending to be Randy Jackson or Kara DioGuardi, as do the judges stand-ins who warm up their chairs every Tuesday afternoon during dress rehearsal. Idolette Casey James loves the Pretend Judges because they only have nice things to say about the performances.
Seabiscuit wonders whether Michael Lynche slept Tuesday night. "Yeah, I sleep every night," Bike Mike reveals. He slept just fine Tuesday night because he hasn't started to think about Wednesday yet. Seabiscuit breaks it to him that it is Wednesday night.
Seabiscuit asks Casey to talk about how lousy he was Tuesday night. "My part's done; I gave it 100 percent and the rest is not up to me," Casey says philosophically.
Seabiscuit has Lee DeWyze, the judges' darling and presumed winner now that they've turned on Crystal, stand in the middle of the room to tell him he is safe.
In honor of Cinco de Mayo, Lady Gaga is here to sing her tune "Alejandro." For her performance, Gaga is dressed as a widowed hooker who runs a fitness club for men who are working through body-image issues; they are all dressed only in black Spanx. She delivers the tune's spoken bits in a beginner's Spanish accent. Then, the accent becomes fake-French -- Gaga is definitely having accent-control issues tonight, and her voice sounds worn out, like she's been shouting at dancers, set designers and costumers right up till show time.
Scene change and Gaga's accent is now Russian; she's still the slutty widow, but now she's the wife who is going to inherit all the money and is celebrating at a gay bath house from hell which is decorated with a statue of an angel that throws out flames when it's irked, which is often.
While we take time to contemplate that performance, the "Idol" producers amuse us with outtakes of Harry Connick Jr.'s mentor gig this week:
"The word 'pitchy' does not exist, judges!" Connick is seen chiding the judge panel during the taped bit.
"The whole 'I have a baby thing' Mike -- drop it. For real," Connick snarks at Michael Lynche.
It's the first actually, deliberately funny sequence in the history of "American Idol" and we're suddenly reminded of how much "Idol" has become like the court of the Louis XIV, with everybody nervously trying to keep up with a whole book-full of rules while simultaneously being told they have to be themselves (but stay within the rules) and then here's Harry Connick Jr. just being himself, and it's fun and a big relief.
Then Actual Connick comes out and sings "And I Love Her" while the Swaybots flap their arms like sea anemones waiting to be fed. Then the Idolettes sing a medley of Connick tunes and he tells the story of when he first met Sinatra while performing at Frank's 75th birthday party and tried to talk to him in the elevator at Sinatra's house, only Frankie was only interested in kissing Connick's wife, former Victoria's Secret model Jill Goodacre, on the mouth.
Time is growing short, so Seabiscuit puts on his prosecutor face and sends Crystal to stand on the far side of the stage. Michael Lynche is told to stand at the near edge of the stage. Aaron is sent to stand with Mike and Casey with Crystal.
Seabiscuit tries to goad Lee into guessing which pair is in the Bottom 2. He will not rise to the bait.
Michael and Aaron are in the Bottom 2, confirming that the judges are now utterly irrelevant, having given Michael a rave review and Aaron a good one while having, appropriately, savaged Casey for a botched performance Tuesday night.
"How old do you think you are now?" Seabiscuit asks.
"Still 17," Aaron says patiently. Then he sings "Fly Me To the Moon" and it's a much better performance than the previous night.
Next week - movie tunes.
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Lisa de Moraes
May 6, 2010; 7:16 AM ET
Categories: "American Idol" | Tags: Aaron Kelly, American Idol, Fly Me to the Moon, Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick, Jamie Foxx, Kara DioGuardi, Simon Cowell
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