David Hasselhoff bumped from "Dancing with the Stars"
[This post has been updated.]
David Hasselhoff's fan base apparently isn't what ABC thought it is -- he being the surprising first cut from the 11th season of "Dancing with the Stars" Tuesday night.
"I got to tell you, of all the first people to leave, in all the seasons I've hosted, this was the biggest surprise to me!" host Tom Bergeron marvels during Tuesday night's results show.
Comedian Margaret Cho, can we all agree, was the person who should have gone home after she combined bad waltzing and a bad joke on Monday and wound up looking, as Bergeron critiqued, like Liberace's shower curtain.
Backstage after the performance, Cho worried the dancing was OK but "it's just that they didn't think the jokes were funny."
There were jokes?
Heck, even Johnny Avello, the director of race and sports book operations at Wynn Las Vegas resort and casino, thought Cho was toast, having put for-entertainment-purposes-only odds of her winning this thing at 75-to-1 -- the worst odds of any of this season's celebrity contestants.
(Avello has Bristol Palin's odds at 25-1 -- slightly behind Michael Bolton and Florence Henderson).
But a Tuesday afternoon tweet from Bergeron dashed hopes Cho would be put out of our misery this week.
"DWTS producers seem rattled by who is going tonight," Bergeron tweeted, adding, "Guess they had high hopes for this star (aka thought they'd be ratings draw). Hmm...."
"If we go out, we go out in a blaze of glory ... and we're already wearing black for our funeral - Hoff to heaven," Hasselhoff waxes philosophically after his performance, for which the three judges had awarded him a total of only 15 points - tied with Cho and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, who had only had a few days to rehearse.
But, in fact, Cho is the second celebrity pronounced safe early in Tuesday's result show by Bergeron, right after Michael Bolton - another lousy dancer, though not Cho-lousy.
Cho and Bolton were on stage alongside The Situation and The Hoff as the pack of four celebrity dancers who got the fewest points from the show's professional judges.
Bergeron pronounces Bolton safe, and Cho, too, but he tells the other two, "You're still in jeopardy. ... We'll tell you later - because we have an hour to kill," reminding us again why he's the best reality competition series host there is.
Adam Corolla comes out to kill time. He murders a few minutes and then beats a hasty retreat.
Then Chris Daughtry, the most successful bad boy non-winner "American Idol" has ever produced, comes out on stage to perform his hit single "September," while it's simultaneously dance-interpreted by some of the professional "Dancing with the Stars" hoofers.
If you've never seen one of these interpretive dance gags on "Dancing with the Stars," it's pretty much like when the Ladies Auxiliary Committee of River City did their interpretation of a Grecian urn at the ice cream social in "The Music Man."
And, before you know it, it's time for Bergeron to torture Monday night's four celebrity dancers who received the most points from the judges.
Pop singer Brandy is nervous because it's up to America.
Thespian Kyle Massey hopes the people at home loved his performance as much as the studio audience.
NBA star Rick Fox plans to continue working on holding his frame upright.
Actress Jennifer Grey will work day and night as hard as she can if she's not cut.
Judge Len Goodman declares Monday night to be possibly the best first night of competition they've ever had. Then Bergeron declares Jennifer and Rick safe. But Kyle and Brandy are still in jeopardy -- because they have about 40 minutes to kill.
Let's recap, shall we? The Situation and The Hoff are still in jeopardy. Ditto Brandy and Kyle. Great.
The Ladies of River City give the once over to the Beatles tune "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" as performed by Santana and India.Arie.
Time to torture the four celebrity dancers who wound up in the middle of the heap in terms of the judges' votes.
That includes Audrina Patridge (aka The Affectless One from "The Hills"), made-for-TV mom Florence Henderson, former quarterback Kurt Warner and America's Favorite Teen Mom Bristol Palin.
Bristol says of her mom Sarah, "I think she thinks I did well."
Interestingly, Bristol also says Florence Henderson "was my favorite person to meet" on the show "just 'cause she's such a mother figure."
(In fact, the former Alaska Governor and current TLC reality series star Sarah Palin told In Touch Weekly that her daughter's Cha Cha to the tune "Mama Told Me Not to Come" on the dance competition series Monday, "is a story of perseverance, taking personal responsibility and keeping her head up while having faith."
We know that's what we were thinking Monday night as we watched Bristol strip off the drab gray business suit, reveal a brilliant Tina Turner-esque red mini-dress dripping with eyelash fringe, and shake her booty.)
Rick Fox, on the other hand, is impressed with Bristol because, "she drove her truck down from Alaska" to compete on the show, which is produced in Los Angeles.
"Alaska to Cali - I didn't even know there was roads to connect that," says The Situation who, to answer your question, yes, is dumb as his hair.
"Yeah, we're not just a dance show. We're a geography lesson," snarks Bergeron.
He then pronounces Audrina and Florence safe. But he leaves Kurt and Bristol in jeopardy, because they've got about 15 minutes to kill.
Time for the Ladies of River City to interpret a Santana and Daughtry number, after which Bergeron asks Daughtry which dancer he's rooting for on the show this season.
"Well, Mr. Bolton danced to one of our songs last night -- which is something I never saw in my future," Daughtry responds, patronizingly.
Which, not to put too fine a point on it, is coming from a guy who's performing on the show in hopes of boosting his album sales, while his tune is being dance-interpreted by the show's professional cast.
Bergeron sloughs off the insult and pronounces Brandy safe. Also Bristol. That leaves The Situation, The Hoff, Kyle and Kurt.
Then he declares Kurt safe.
The clock is ticking.
The Situation will be back.
Hasselhoff's two daughters are very proud of him for competing.
"How do you eliminate David Hasselhoff in the first week?"ABC's late night host Jimmy Kimmel complains on his show later Tuesday night.
"Have you people no sense of comedy? I have a show to do here," Kimmel continues.
"I was counting on him for at least six weeks! This is Hoff-ul, just Hoff-ul."
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