Florence Henderson is out, Bristol survives on 'Dancing with the Stars'
[This blog post has been updated with Florence Henderson's exit interview on Jimmy Kimmel's late night show]
The "Dancing with the Stars" results show kicks things off Tuesday with the surprise announcement that Teen Abstinence Advocate Bristol Palin, the previous night's lowest vote-getter, is safe ... despite fluffing a good chunk of her jive dance number -- part of which was performed in a gorilla costume -- the night before, and after which, when asked what she'd been thinking, she answered, "Uh, I hate the jive," followed by an awkward silence.
This audience just won't put Bristol out of her misery.
Also safe is the night's second lowest vote-getter, Disney star Kyle Massey.
"All day long [Bristol's dance partner] Mark [Ballas] has been saying to me, 'We're going, aren't we?'," show host Tom Bergeron marvels after the surprise opening.
The show's judges want Brandy and partner Maks Chmerkovskiy to repeat their number of the previous night, performed to the theme song from "Friends." Much prancing and galloping about the stage ensues.
In honor of it being "TV Tune Week," the producers have created several fake TV commercials with which to pad out tonight's results show. Fake commercial No. 1 is the best by far; it's for the dance instruction DVD "Bring It Like Bruno," with instructions for dance moves that include "The Sprinkler", "The Lawnmower" and "The Headache." Nobody plays show judge Bruno Tonioli like Bruno. His accent is real ... right?
The camera opens up on R&B star Jason Derulo in front of some mattresses. Even so, he does not break into "Have good night's sleep on us ... Mattress Discounters!" and instead is up and dancing, front and center himself, to his tune "In My Head." Hey! Doesn't he trust the "DWTS" Corps de Song Interpretation to interpret his song for him? Control freak ...
Cut to backstage, Tom Bergeron's Gal Friday, Brooke Burke with the two low-scoring -- but safe -- couples Kyle/Lacey Schwimmer and Bristol/Mark Ballas.
Brooke to Bristol: "Did you really expect to be dancing again?" Bristol answers - and this is a girl who's heard a lot of sound bites in her time and can deliver a pretty fair one herself: "You know I was very nervous coming in to tonight but I'm grateful to our fans for keeping us in and hopefully next week we'll come out better and I'll remember all my steps." Elapsed time: 7 seconds. Impressive!
Next Brooke turns to Kyle and Lacey for comments on the miracle of their survival. Kyle responds: "Team Schmurgles, something, something, Team Schmurgles, something something, Team Schmurgles." He's hitting their brand name pretty heavily; it sounds too much like the outcome of a brainstorm at a PR agency.
Time to address Monday's top two vote-getters: Brandy/Maks and Jennifer Grey/Derek Hough. The performance replays remind us of the whole hostile undercurrent on the judges' part Monday night to J&D: Carrie Ann Inaba blathering on about how Grey's "eyes start to go blank, " etc., and the producers concocting that whole taped bit about Grey and Hough bickering their way through rehearsals. Not surprisingly, Brandy is safe; Grey is not.
Latin music star Shakira comes out with a bunch of girls in exercise gear and leads the 6 p.m. salsa-cize class to her tune, "Loca."
Then, Jason Derulo is back to remind us how much we miss Ray Charles with his slow-paced, nasal version of "Georgia On My Mind" which is interpreted by two DWTS troupers in the manner of a college spirit squad, with lots of lifts. The camera loves them and they upstage Jason, even to the end with the camera lovingly lingering on them instead of him for what seems like way too long. His agent will hear about this in the morning.
Time to trot out the two sports celebrity dancers and tell them their fate. NFL star Kurt Warner is safe; NBA star Rick Fox is not.
Moving on to the remaining celebrities, we get to see a whole new side to Audrina Patridge's dance partner, Tony Dovolani: Mr. Self Pity. First he lets us know in his interview with Brooke that "the band missed the first counts of our song" and that "Audrina responded to it beautifully."
The band is not given equal time. Instead, we move directly to a taped bit of him backstage, complaining that judge Carrie Ann Inaba thought he's lifted Audrina, which is some kind of moving violation. "There was no lift," Tony grumbles. "Carrie Ann likes to go after me," he whines. "Seems like that's the theme this week."
Florence, on the other hand, is all graciousness. Naturally, Tony and Audrina are safe while Florence and her partner, Corky Ballas, are not, despite having this week scored a personal best 21 points from the judges.
Time to bring out the Three in Jeopardy: Rick Fox, Florence Henderson and Jennifer Grey.
Rick and Jennifer are pronounced safe. Florence is out.
She goes out with an Emmy-acceptance-style speech, since she's a real pro:
"You know I have been in television for over 50 years and I have to say, in all honesty, that this is one of the best produced shows I have ever been on. I truly mean that. The best crew, the best hair, makeup, costumes, even the judges are the best. Brooke, Tom, the music and most of all this darling man, Corky Ballas."
The seventy-something Florence tells Bergeron, "I hope I've inspired people to get up off their behinds, and live, and move, and enjoy life."
And, as the producers roll tape of some sassy moments from Florence and Corky rehearsals, while the two dance on stage, we see Jennifer Grey in the stands, with her tears. She is now, after all, the oldest cast member on this edition of "Dancing with the Stars."
Here's the moment of truth for Florence Tuesday night, followed by her exit interview with Jimmy Kimmel:
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