Courageous park police save Lincoln Memorial from zombies
A pack of zombies sent to the Lincoln Memorial to frighten commuters, terrorize women, and scare a year's growth out of local children were tuned away by brave United States Park Police, WaPo TeamTV's Emily Yahr reports Tuesday.
Yes, Zombies Take Washington - promised to us by basic cable network AMC as it prepares to launch its zombie series "The Walking Dead" on Halloween -- turned into Zombies Politely Listen to Law Enforcement.
Minutes before the zombies arrived en masse, courageous United States Park Police were cracking jokes about zombie punctuality. AMC had warned that the zombies were going to show up at 7 a.m., Yahr says.
But thing got deadly serious when the two dozen bloodied, tattered, undead wandered down 23rd St. NW and tried to cross the street to invade the Lincoln Memorial.
"Who is the organizer here?" the U.S. Park Police's Sgt. David Schlosser demanded to know.
He was met by silence; one zombie chewed on her sleeve.
After a short conversation with a non-un-dead official -she appeared to be the zombies's tour guide -- the zombies were led away obediently. Yes, the zombies will try to eat your face - but they're law-abiding face-eaters.
It appears the zombies did not know they needed a separate permit to enter property administrated by the National Park Service.
Thwarted in their efforts to eat some tourists faces and plug the new AMC horror series, the zombies crossed the street and wound up on Constitution Ave. between 22nd and 23rd streets NW, in front of the American Pharmacists Association, and became a tableau on the current state of health care.
The re-animated corpses began waving at passing motorists -- law abiding, friendly zombies who will try to eat your face.
"Zombies - to the limo!" one of the zombie-tour guides bellowed after about 10 minutes of this good-will building with the local commuters, Yahr reports.
Half the zombies dead-walked into a charter bus to go eat the faces off commuters at the Foggy Bottom metro station, and maybe scare to death some GW hospital patients gazing out their hospital room windows.
The other, lucky zombies, piled into a faux motorcade, headed to Georgetown, to go try to eat the face off the President of the United States, with Yahr in hot pursuit.
Turns out, Washington commuters are so polite, they will pull over for a motorcade, even if the motorcade is filled with zombies. The zombies arrive in Georgetown in record time. (Note to self: a gal can't do better than to rent a town car and put American flags on top when she's got to get somewhere in town in a hurry.)
Zombie letdown: the corner of Wisconsin and Prospect in Georgetown is pretty dead already - get it? - at 7:45 a.m. on a Tuesday. When the zombies got out of the motorcade limos - not as funny as clowns climbing out of a clown car at the circus, but still, pretty funny - it was witnessed by only a couple passers-by, though a lone employee at the Restoration Hardware on the corner did come outside to record the incident on his cell phone. A parking enforcement official stopped to take a cell phone picture as well.
The motorcade drove around the block and re-appeared - this time not as the Zombie Motorcade, but as the Faux POTUS Motorcade. This was clearly an enormously talented motorcade that can play many roles - the Helen Mirren of motorcades.
The zombies clawed at the motorcade for a while, but you know how it is when you're playing to an empty hall - your performance is bound to lack conviction.
After a while, the zombies decided to head to Farragut North. It was a shrewd move -- the streets were packed with commuters, many of whom took out their phones and recorded the zombies as they descended to the metro station.
"I wish something this interesting happened every day on my walk to work," Yahr notes one passerby saying.
"I don't know if I should take your picture or just run like hell!" another commuter said to a zombie. The zombie staggered for the camera. The commuter chose YouTube stardom over safety and continued shooting the incident.
This was the audience they'd been looking for all morning. The zombies came back upstairs for an encore and attacked the motorcade again. Commuters gave them rave reviews.
Lisa de Moraes
| October 26, 2010; 10:56 AM ET
Categories: Local TV
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