'The Situation' bids 'Dancing With the Stars' a classy farewell as he's eliminated
It's Themed Elimination Night in the Round on "Dancing with the Stars."
Show host Tom Bergeron and gal Friday Brooke Burke begin by bringing out the week's three top judge-vote-getters: actress Jennifer Grey, pop singer Brandy and "The Hills" least interesting cast member Audrina Patridge, with their dance partners.
"What the heck, you're all safe," Bergeron declares.
In one segment in which "everyone" in Monday's audience talks to the camera about how much they love the new ballroom-in-the-round, the show's senior statesman/judge Len Goodman says they want to see Jennifer perform Monday's show-stopping tango again, after which the Goo Goo Dolls perform a medley of their tunes.
Does it cheapen the moment that last summer US Magazine raffled off a private concert by the Goo Goo Dolls in the home of a lucky winner, to promote the band's new album?
Does it also cheapen the moment that lead singer Johnny Rzeznik told US, regarding said new album: "I wanted some of the material on this album to address the disillusionment of the difficult period we live in. I wanted to give a voice to the emotional uncertainty that accompanies hard times. So many people are struggling to keep it together through tough economic conditions and two wars that seem to have no end in sight. The ones who bear the brunt of these burdens are everyday people. That's who I want to speak to."
Heck no! Nothing symbolizes the disillusionment of this difficult period like ballroom dancers twirling and writhing around while you sing those tunes!
Next to find out their fate: the two youngest celebrities on the show, Disney star Kyle Massey and teen abstinence advocate Bristol Palin.
Hard-hitting questions tonight from Brooke! She asks Bristol and her dance partner Mark Ballas if the judges were "fair" to them the previous night.
"They were a little bit harsh with the scores," Bristol says. "I think I'm improving as a dancer."
But Brooke has apparently opened up a wound in Mark, who says, "I thought it was unfair."
"You just wanted to take your shirt off," Kyle interjects (what with Bristol having ripped off Mark's shirt as part of their Monday routine) and probably takes away Brooke's follow up question.
And speaking of bare-chested: In the next bit, Bergeron nicks chief judge Len Goodman for having razzed Mark the night before. They've dug up some clip of a shirtless Len -- ick, ick, ick -- seated next to another shirtless guy who looks vaguely like Sting -- ick, ick, ick -- who compliments Len on his snake tattoo.
By week four, we can pretty much say that Bristol has never looked happy to be here and we're beginning to suspect that somebody else talked her into doing this gig to serve, well, somebody else's ambitions. Bristol keeps bringing up the Big Contradiction in the Room, and she does it again tonight, in a rerun clip from Monday: "I go around and I talk about abstinence and then I'm here in my underwear doing a dance about sex and stuff, so hopefully it goes well -- hopefully I can pull it off," she's heard to say as we see her, wearing only a large white shirt and opaque stockings, preparing for Monday's dance. We can see her future speaking engagements: "Don't be like me girls. Don't get pregnant -- and don't go on celebrity dance competitions!"
Well, here's some justice, anyway. After steadily getting pegged as unsexy by the judges, Kyle gets to appear in a taped bit in which partner Lacey Schwimmer complains that he stole a kiss on her shoulder at the end of their routine Monday (and BTW, what abstinence school did she go to?).
"It's called improv," Kyle says.
"I think it's called hormones," Lacey snaps back.
Kyle: "I think it's called hey! ..."
Back from commercial break, Bergeron informs us that rescue efforts are under way for the miners stuck underground in Chile, and if there's any breaking news we will get it right here from ABC News. We imagine the show pros interpretive dancing the rescue news like they interpretive danced the Goo Goo Dolls, but, of course, by "right here" Bergeron meant on ABC, not right here on the ballroom-in-the-round.
Next, Bergeron brings out The Athletes Celebrities: NBA's Rick Fox and NFL's Kurt Warner.
Cutting to the chase, Rick is safe; Kurt is not.
In a pretend educational video, with the celebrities playing students in a classroom, the show's most finicky judge, Len Goodman explains what it takes to get him to award a "10 paddle". He gives 4 points for just getting through the routine, "6 is a C", at 8 "you're starting to drive the dance", his 9 is equal to a 10 from the show's other judges Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba. And a 10 from Len requires great technique, personality and chemistry plus "that certain something that lights up the ballroom." At the end of the lesson Audrina who, in a stretch is playing The Dumb Student, asks Len to repeat it all again while her face wears that same vacant expression it's worn every night on "DWTS."
This week's [Department Store Chain] Stars of Dance segment features the cast of "Forever Tango" which we were told at the top of the show is the longest running tango show in Broadway history, and let's just say that Jennifer and her partner Derek Hough compare very well to this crowd.
British band Florence and the Machine perform, with a harp and a guitar and Florence singing some kind of folk number while wearing a long flowing robe thinggummy and standing in a spotlight while dancers pop up on circular pedestals set in the audience, and then begin to gyrate and flap their arms around, then dancing around Florence while the fog machine goes into overdrive until everyone gets the point: It's Druid Disco.
The final two celebrities awaiting their fate are brought out on stage. Florence Henderson insists Monday's dance with Corky Ballas has gotten her "nothing but glowing remarks" from people who "thought it was sexy."
Meanwhile, poor Mr. Situation is still pretty steamed about getting an even lower score with his performance Monday than had a near octogenarian doing a bump and grind. He notes his routine had a number of dangerous moves and lots of heavy lifting. In a taped bit from Monday night, he and his partner Karina Smirnoff are seen right after getting the judges scores. "The judges were so un-positive, and they didn't even see the work I put in -- didn't even see the progress I made this week," he complains, with cause.
"I'm like done with this!" he snaps as he storms off camera.
Now out on stage with Florence Henderson, The Situation suffers one final humiliation: She's safe but he's still in jeopardy.
The three "jeopardized" couples are brought out. Kurt Warner is put out of his misery and declared safe. It's down to Bristol and The Situation.
And this week's lowest vote getter is ...
The Situation, who, to his credit, takes it like a real gentleman -- even bowing to Bergeron, who confesses he only watched "Jersey Shore" for the first time the other day and found it mesmerizing, but can't get over how different The Situation seems on that hit MTV reality series than on "Dancing."
"Yeah, you know, like I said, I give what is needed in a particular situation," The Situation explains to Bergeron, adding that "Jersey Shore" offered only "a keyhole" into who he really is, whereas on "Dancing with the Stars," "you got to see The Whole Situation."
We're gonna miss him. There, we said it.
Lisa de Moraes
| October 13, 2010; 2:15 AM ET
Categories: Dancing With the Stars
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