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'Dancing With the Stars': Kurt Warner goes home

By Ned Martel

(Lisa de Moraes will be back next week. Guest blogger Ned Martel recaps the results show.)

In the elimination spectacle that is "Dancing with the Stars" on Tuesday, there was of course more spectacle than elimination. In fact, some young kids with strictly ballroom ambitions hoofed around in what looked like that stupendous Bugsy Malone movie from the '70s.




Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas were the lowest vote-getters on Monday night, but will stick around for another week. (ABC/Eric McCandless) | PHOTOS

But back to the bye-byes: Kurt Warner was given a huge word-hug from Bruno, who once mocked the football great for having hands that were like frying pans. (Your strength is your weakness, QB! Welcome to politics.) Well, before Kurt's elimination was announced but not before it was kinda obvious, Bruno called Kurt an "American idol," which has to be the ultimate Freudian-slip compliment.

"Nice plug for the other network," host Tom Bergeron noted. He never misses a beat in situations like that.

Second case in point: The other contestant perilously close to elimination was the limber Brandy, who is an accessory to some hard-to-track insult exchange perpetrated by her partner Maks, directed at none other than The Nice Judge, Carrie Ann. Maks is the Puck of the show, and that allusion refers both to the Puck of "Real World: San Fran" (nous sommes old) and to the current Puckster of "Glee." All three characters are bad boys who incur many enemies and none worse than himself. In the recap of last night's aspersion-casting, Maks apologizes, but only to the fans, and vows to be cool. And it becomes clear he is issuing no sorry in any direction near Carrie Ann.

"So being cool lasted about 12 seconds," Tom noted, moving right along.

Backstage video confirmed that Maks had been so mouthy last night that said mouth needed the help of pixels, lest bad words be legible by eyeball. Ever-protective Brandy literally had to cover Maks's mouth when the duo finally faced the judges, and when Carrie Ann encouraged closure, Maks attempted to have the last word. Maybe they will use those paddles on him.

It is useful for our recappage to note that this contest is actually voted on by you and your fellow Americans, and Brandy knows that Maks's gaffes could cost not him but her. As a guest, this is her one chance. As a pro, he returns season after season, although this week there was a painful reminder of seasons past: Karina, his ex-girlfriend and fellow pro 'DWTS'-er, announced her engagement to someone who turned out not to be Maks.

As a magnetic but unsympathetic type, he is less likely to earn a sympathy vote from phone-in voters. This is not the case with Bristol Palin, who is the apparent recipient of a landslide of sympathy votes. For some reason, her judges' scores put her in the lowest rung. She admits on air that she's getting used to it down there. She is game to keep going, and her dance partner is trying new ways to put an enthusiastic hand or exuberant set of lips where he shouldn't, especially as they await more bad scores. But as we said, for all her leaden-leg twirls, something in the voting public is keeping her in contention.

The screen popped this little handicapper into our national conscience, midway through the show. We could decode and riff on said info for hours, but it was meant to be useful, so we'll let it be, verbatim-style!:

Bristol "The Pistol" Palin.

Hometown: Alaska

Fav. Food: Bananas

Hobbies: Hunting, fishing, dogsledding

Notes:
- loves tea parties
- knows her way around a Zamboni
- named after the Bristol Inn

With each passing week, the judges, who don't seem to want to let this young woman go, strain to compliment her. Here's Len, faint-praising her footwork damnably: "It's so important getting those heels and toes right. And by and large, Bristol always does that." And yet her viewer tallies don't even place her in this week's bottom two, where Kurt and Brandy writhed. What can explain all this? Her "teen advocacy" has really hit a nerve, we are left to presume.

Other stars got evaluated, between long songs by John Legend and Taio Cruz, by some visitors from ESPN. These very butch sports anchors pretended to only vaguely know who (besides Kurt) was who on the show, so let's not identify them, in kind. For their taped skit, they wore tutus and false eyelashes and face glitter and said sitting with Bruno would be "hell on earth," which hit a lot of the themes on "Glee" earlier, and let's leave it at that. Go find someone else to recap you.

Kyle is still goofily fun and survived despite a challenge to redo the previous night's dance. The sporty ESPN duo revealed he's only 5'6", which we're deciding is some center-of-gravity advantage. Really, he's, like the ESPN dudes, a part of the ABC family, by his regular appearances on the network ABC Family, which was our first clue. For one more week at least, this kid is safe, and we don't mean Wayne Brady safe. He's that for much longer.

Jennifer Grey was praised for being a "natural dancer," which we take to mean a "professional dancer," which the star of a cult-classic dance movie called "Dirty Dancing" might rightly claim to be. Except this contest is for amateurs in search of their chrysalis moment on the dance floor, and she wants to win and far be it from us to question whether her perfect score (a 30 on Monday!) is a full spreading of a former caterpillar's wings, or just another day with a bigger dollar. Again, Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno are the judges, not us.

By Ned Martel  | November 9, 2010; 11:04 PM ET
Categories:  Dancing With the Stars  
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Next: 'Glee' Week 6: We watch so you don't have to

Comments

Mark better be ready to take Bristol to the top because no matter how they do she's going to get the votes. C'mon Mark only 3 more great dances to choreograph.

Posted by: sodakhic | November 10, 2010 12:33 AM | Report abuse

Well, Bristol actually might have been in the bottom two by scores + votes. Per the script, both Brandy and Kurt were "in jeopardy" and at least one had the total lowest score but the other did not necessarily have the second lowest score. So, in selecting the "in jeopardies" to accompany the actual loser, do the producers opt for stars they want to keep who need votes? stars whose "in jeopardy" status will create buzz? Do they have a crew of market reseachers on this each week?

Re Bristol's tenure, I look to Kelly Osbourne, who was not the best dancer but she tried, certainly improved, and had sufficient public votes to make it into the final three, perhaps the influence of her famous father, but, perhaps, also just because people who watch were drawn to her under-dog scrappy efforts over the weeks.

So who goes next week? Historic evidence indicates Kyle Massey, but I'm hoping he has the votes to stay around another week. And, if so, that they will put effort and money into his costume--dress him up--still age-appropriate but the guy's lost weight, is putting in the time practicing, and deserves a stellar costume.

If Kyle and Bristol stay, and Jennifer does not retire ito the sunset with injuries, then most likely Brandy will go. Her pro, Maks, has yet to train a winner, although he has been inching closer. With the wondrously talented Cheryl Burke out of contention, that leaves Derek and Mark, both of whom have trained winners. And Derek has his own set of admirers who call in to vote.

Posted by: zerodefect01 | November 10, 2010 6:26 AM | Report abuse

Kyle or Bristol should be the next to go.

Kyle is entertaining enough, but lets face it, he's not a dancer.

Bristol should get most improved, but again, not a professional.

Posted by: postfan1 | November 10, 2010 7:02 AM | Report abuse

This has been the worst season ever, all to promote a politician.

Posted by: SarahBB | November 10, 2010 7:10 AM | Report abuse

I really thought Kurt would have the votes to pull past Bristol (who was one point behind). Guess not...that "robo-texting" is keeping her around. Can you say Master P?

Not that she's anywhere as bad as "P", but at this point, it's time for her to leave. On top of that, I have a hard time believing that there won't be a male in the final three.

Kyle has earned his spot so far, and I suspect as others haved that Bristol was in the bottom two last night since Brandy has plenty of support and was the high score, a full 10 over Bristol with fewer competitors.

Bristol has to be within 5 or 6 of the next lowest score to be saved next week. If she's 10 behind, she's toast.

Posted by: wxdancer | November 10, 2010 7:33 AM | Report abuse

OK..in the end there will be one..so people getting voted on..becomes irrelevant..

Maks hurt Brandy without a doubt..and Brandy acted like a Diva for a while, so people were starting to turn against her.

People also were turning against Jennifer because she was whining all the time..

The fact is..people like Kyle and Bristol. They both never complain..and are appreciative..and both are non-dancers, what the show is supposed to be about..I would of liked it if Audrina could of stayed rather than Kurt. She , also a non-dancer..had a very good chance.

So now..I would sort of like to see a Kyle and Bristol finale..both likable..both non-dancers..both most improved.

Posted by: WAGTHEDOG1 | November 10, 2010 7:48 AM | Report abuse

OK..in the end there will be one..so people getting voted on..becomes irrelevant..

Maks hurt Brandy without a doubt..and Brandy acted like a Diva for a while, so people were starting to turn against her.

People also were turning against Jennifer because she was whining all the time..

The fact is..people like Kyle and Bristol. They both never complain..and are appreciative..and both are non-dancers, what the show is supposed to be about..I would of liked it if Audrina could of stayed rather than Kurt. She , also a non-dancer..had a very good chance.

So now..I would sort of like to see a Kyle and Bristol finale..both likable..both non-dancers..both most improved.

Posted by: WAGTHEDOG1 | November 10, 2010 7:49 AM | Report abuse

OK..in the end there will be one..so people getting voted on..becomes irrelevant..

Maks hurt Brandy without a doubt..and Brandy acted like a Diva for a while, so people were starting to turn against her.

People also were turning against Jennifer because she was whining all the time..

The fact is..people like Kyle and Bristol. They both never complain..and are appreciative..and both are non-dancers, what the show is supposed to be about..I would of liked it if Audrina could of stayed rather than Kurt. She , also a non-dancer..had a very good chance.

So now..I would sort of like to see a Kyle and Bristol finale..both likable..both non-dancers..both most improved.

Posted by: WAGTHEDOG1 | November 10, 2010 7:51 AM | Report abuse

Come on people, this is about the dance and not a popularity contest. I'm sick of the judges tip toeing around Palin, it's pathetic! Jennifer has a natural rhythm, she is not a professional dancer, and for that matter Brandy isn't either. Just because she's black and a singer she is no real dancer. Vote for the dance and not the popularity. I would suspect that if Palin wins the ratings for next year will be a joke. Face it her last dance, she looked like a blinded deer!

Posted by: Beverly7649 | November 10, 2010 8:03 AM | Report abuse

I don't watch this show, but I bet Bristol Palin is the fattest contestant they have ever had.

Posted by: vickie105 | November 10, 2010 8:17 AM | Report abuse

Bristol looks like a blinded deer in ALL of her dances. Should have been gone a long time ago.

Posted by: mbrumble | November 10, 2010 8:19 AM | Report abuse

Hometown: Alaska?

Not Wasilla?

Damn. Then Alaska is a pretty big hometown, larger even than Texas which has cities such as Dallas and Houston and Midland and Galveston spread across what we used to call a state. I guess Texas, also, is a hometown? Which makes Dallas and Houston and the others what? Neighborhoods in the hometown of Texas?

Posted by: Dungarees | November 10, 2010 8:39 AM | Report abuse

Proofread, Alaska is a state, not a town.

Posted by: citigreg | November 10, 2010 9:38 AM | Report abuse

Proofread, Alaska is a state, not a town.

Posted by: citigreg | November 10, 2010 9:38 AM | Report abuse

DWTS jumped the shark three Bristol Palin weeks ago. Are the judges on the take in their praise of her? All credibility is lost. Great dancers fall by the wayside each week while Dumbo, looking like a sleek-fattened Eskimo keeps plodding along. No magic, no inspiration, no brilliance. Robo-calling tea baggers have kept this sinking ship afloat way beyond reason.

Posted by: shapiromarilyn | November 10, 2010 9:57 AM | Report abuse

Dear Ned,

By trying to put down Bristol Pistol, you just could not help putting down the whole state by calling Bristol's hometown Alaska.

Smarter than a 5 th grader? I don't think so.

Posted by: Silly_Willy_Bulldog | November 10, 2010 9:59 AM | Report abuse

The only thing that will get rid of Bristol, hometown Alaska (ha,ha), is if her partner breaks his back lifting her one more time.

Posted by: shapiromarilyn | November 10, 2010 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Another thing the Republicans have screwed up - DWTS

Posted by: magdog | November 10, 2010 10:31 AM | Report abuse

I'm not really a fan of "Dancing with the Stars" - I've watched it several times; however, let's be real - Bristol Palin remains on the show because of her mother's popularity - Bristol cannot dance, and I think people feel sorry for her and vote for her anyway.

I'm curious as to how she ws selected for the show anyway.

From its inception, I think the show is not as popular as it once was - I think the dancers need to be reminded that young influential minds are watching the show and that if bad language or other remarks are made, the dancers should be reprimmanded.

Posted by: blessingsalways | November 10, 2010 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Far be it from me to excoriate a show entirely devoted to celebrities grabbing @**, praising each other relentlessly, and reminding the rest of us how inferior and unspecial our lives are, but this show has all the integrity of a Blackwater self-investigation.
I dislike dancing and stars as a rule, but even I can tell that for three weeks now a brick with bricks in her pants and the personality of...well, a brick, has been voted through while clearly superior dancers who are not teen mothers related to vacuous jabbering idiots from Duhlaska have been sent packing.
Thank the Baby Jesus that I don't care at all, because if I enjoyed seeing the best contestant win I would be puking on myself with disgust.
Rave on, Tea Party rubes. Get all the validation you can from voting for your redneck princess Di.
As long as you realize supporting morons to run your government guarantees that your kids will still be handing fries out the drive-thru window to my vastly superior in every way kids.

Posted by: DAMNEDGENTLEMEN | November 10, 2010 10:50 AM | Report abuse

Dear Ned,

By trying to put down Bristol Pistol, you just could not help putting down the whole state by calling Bristol's hometown Alaska.

Smarter than a 5 th grader? I don't think so.

Posted by: Silly_Willy_Bulldog
-------------------
For the unobservant like Silly Willy, "Alaska" was listed as her hometown ON THE SHOW, presumably because that's what Bristol wrote on the form. It is not Ned's fault she was either trying to be clever (unlikely) or didn't understand the question (very likely, especially given her geographically-challenged progenitor). He's only repeating what was listed BY THE SHOW.

Looks like the 5th grader whooped ya again, Willy.
Maybe you can get a gig trying to beat a hamster through a maze.

Posted by: DAMNEDGENTLEMEN | November 10, 2010 11:24 AM | Report abuse

Ok to take a stab at educating all of you, who obviously have not watch the show before. The bit that they posted for each person is made up by the producers, ie Bristol did not put that her hometown was Alaska, the producers for the Dance Center spoof that they do every year put that together for comedic value. The person who wrote this article dosen't appear to be familiar with the show!

Posted by: sivwiz | November 10, 2010 3:52 PM | Report abuse

DWTS lost all credibility the moment Bristol Palin was brought onto the show. Now it seems to be one of those 'vote for the worst' situations. Some people must be 'voting' for Bristol Palin, just to mess with the show's outcome.

Bristol can't dance. She's got no personality. She's a hypocrite (just like her big mama grizzly!) when she talks about promoting 'teen abstinence', then wears very revealing clothing while dancing very provocatively. Purposely sending a mixed message, but it's okay as long as she's still gettin' paid for it.


Bristol, honey, it's okay. You can go home to pretend you're the one taking care of your kid. Quitting your 'job' is a family tradition.

This needs to be the last season for DWTS. ZERO CREDIBILITY!!!!!!!

Posted by: momof20yo | November 10, 2010 6:36 PM | Report abuse

I like Bristol Palin....but she is a bad dancer and should have gone the 3rd week. Sara will pull all the strings to get Bristol to the finals. Reading all the blogs all over the net Bristol should have been gone...so...who is making the calls to vote for her? Can you say AutoDialer. I bet Sara has a stack of them.

Posted by: matrox | November 10, 2010 10:26 PM | Report abuse

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