'Glee' Week 6: We watch so you don't have to
This blog post was filed by Emily Yahr:
No more adults re-enacting inappropriate scenes from "Rocky Horror" -- "Glee" returns to its high school roots Tuesday night by focusing on every teenager's favorite topic: sex! And lots of it. Or, more accurately, not having sex. Or, even more accurately, not having sex but wanting to, and trying to deal with the fact that your significant other won't have sex with you.
This issue kicks off the episode: Finn and Sam chat in the locker room as Sam takes an ice bath -- his surefire way to "cool down" after things get hot and heavy with his new lady friend, Quinn. Never mind that Finn dated Quinn last season and thought he was the father of her baby for a while. (After all, this is "Glee," the place where plot consistency goes to die.) The two bond over their mutual dislike of dating the only girls in high school who won't have sex -- or, in Quinn's case, will no longer have sex.
After Finn shares his tip for controlling sexual urges (a callback to season one -- when he's on the verge of arousal, he remembers the time he hit a mail carrier with his car). Sam thinks that's great, but since he's never almost killed a federal employee, he needs to think of something else -- and that's when he sees The Beiste.
The Beiste, if you'll recall, is the female but masculine-looking football coach that Sue Sylvester refers to as "she-Hulk." Anyway, Sam gets very excited when he realizes he will no longer risk getting too excited when he's with Quinn ... as long as he pictures Coach Beiste, while they're making out.
The plan spreads like wildfire to the jittery glee club members. Therefore, we're all treated to some makeout sessions interspersed with some very scary scenes of Coach Beiste in a cheerleading uniform and then as a ballet dancer.
As hormones rage across McKinley High, the arousal-killing technique is working great -- until good old Mr. Schuester spills the beans to Coach Beiste about why those crazy glee kids have been acting so strangely around her. Mortified, Coach Beiste almost quits, but then breaks down and tells Mr. Schue that while she looks tough on the outside, really, she just wants to Feel Like a Woman -- except that she's never been kissed. Mr. Schue gives her a pep talk about how she's beautiful (inside AND out!) and then kisses her. We're pretty sure there's a lesson in there somewhere.
But it wasn't all about Beiste -- the episode also focused on another after-school special issue: acceptance. Kurt, who is getting a little tired of being pushed into lockers, decides that the grass looks greener over at Dalton Academy, an all-boys prep school where the celebrated glee club (the Warblers) can belt out Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream," and everyone cheers, rather than throwing slushies.
Spotting Kurt, Warblers leader Blaine (newcomer Darren Criss, whose name is all over the Internet as Kurt's possible new love interest) takes Kurt under his wing. Also an openly gay student, Blaine tells Kurt to stand up for himself and even takes to sending him helpful text messages that just say "COURAGE." Inspired, Kurt confronts his bully -- Scary Football Player -- and starts telling him he's just a sad excuse for a pathetic human being. But in the middle of his speech, Scary Football Player leans in and kisses him -- call it the second most surprising kiss of the episode.
Shocked, Kurt brings Blaine to try to get Scary Football Player to confront his sexuality -- but SFP refuses to do so. Blaine comforts Kurt, and for once, Kurt doesn't look miserable. Given that Blaine can easily out-sing Katy Perry on a Katy Perry tune (see below), it's okay with us if he sticks around.
Oh right, this is "Glee" -- there was more singing. Wait, was there? Besides "Teenage Dream" (which really did sound so much better than Perry's own version), there were two half-hearted "boys versus girls" mash-ups that served no real purpose other than for Coach Beiste to judge the song and be part of a group hug at the end. Yes -- a real group hug.
Other episode note: Puck's out of juvie. Since there were no kosher meal options (and he got beat up all the time), he's decided to try to stay on his best behavior, with the help of his new BFF Artie. And in return, he'll help Artie try to get Brittany back into bed.
Ah, high school.
"One Love (People Get Ready}" by Bob Marley
"Start Me Up" by Rolling Stones/"Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi
"Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry
"Stop! In the Name of Love" by the Supremes/"Free Your Mind" by En Vogue
Lisa de Moraes
| November 9, 2010; 11:47 PM ET
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