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Posted at 10:30 PM ET, 02/ 8/2011

'Glee' Valentine's Day: We watch so you don't have to

By Lisa de Moraes

Kurt takes the stage on "Glee's" Valentine's Day episode. (Fox)

WaPo TeamTV's Emily Yahr blogs:

"Glee" gave us an early Valentine's Day present: one cohesive storyline, all about love. Hooray! We'll call it the St. Valentine's Day miracle.

Here's the breakdown:

Puck and Lauren

Remember when Puck got Lauren to join glee club by promising her seven minutes in heaven? Turns out Puck's not exactly the world-rocker he thought he was. After three minutes of smooching, Lauren gets bored and leaves. Plus, she insults him, just like his mom does. Now, naturally, Puck is attracted to her more than ever. Mother issues.

When chocolates don't work, Puck takes seriously Mr. Schue's glee club assignment to find the world's greatest love song, which he thinks is Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" which he sings to Lauren in front of the whole club. "You're a little on the heavy side ... I'm kind of into it," he boasts.

"That was the first time anyone ever sang me a love song - and it made me feel like crap," she responds. He's surprised. Guys are clueless.

Lauren kicks a jealous Santana up and down the McKinley High School hallway during an epic fight over Puck, then she stands him up so naturally he makes out with a married waitress, because you've got to come up with something to fill the space between the ads on the show. Then he pleads with Lauren for another chance and she insists they have to move slowly in this relationship. Silly Lauren -- this is "Glee." He agrees.

Mr. Schue enjoys a sing-a-long with his glee club members. (Fox)

Kurt and Blaine...and Jeremiah

Kurt finally looks happy for the first time in about a season, but why? Blaine, his crush at his new private school, confesses he's in love and Kurt assumes Blaine is talking about him, so he convinces the rest of the Warblers to sing a song with Blaine to help him express his feelings. Sadly, they'll be singing at a Gap store because Blaine's got the hots for a junior manager there and Fox has some product placement to sell. The object of Blaine's affection is Jeremiah, who has a spectacular mop of blond hair.

Even so, Kurt helps sing "When I Get You Alone" while chasing a frightened Jeremiah around the Gap store. Blaine calls it romantic, Jeremiah calls it getting fired. Jeremiah lets Blaine down; Blaine is crushed. Life is sad.

Seeing opportunity, Kurt wonders aloud to Blaine if the two of them have any potential. Blaine reminds Kurt that he's not so good at this whole "love" thing (see: chasing his crush through the Gap while bombarding him with a Robin Thicke song), and he doesn't want to mess up their friendship. Kurt and Blaine agree it will be just like "When Harry Met Sally," except without the witty writing.

Finn and Rachel

Finn's on top of the world after winning the big football conference championship. And obsessed with his ex, Quinn. Inconveniently, she has a boyfriend, the slightly clueless Sam. So, because this is "Glee," Finn sets up the elaborate scheme in which he will set up a kissing booth, pretending it's to raise money for glee club rather than just a ploy to make out with Quinn. Because if he just called her up and asked her out, well, that would just be an episode of "How I Met Your Mother."

Rachel is crushed when she realizes what's up. But after a pep talk from Mercedes (oh yeah, she's in this show too) about how great it is to be single, Rachel breaks out in Katy Perry's "Firework" as she struts down the hallway alone -- fiercely independent.

Quinn and Sam

Quinn sees right through Finn's kissing booth scheme. Sam has his doubts, too, and accompanies his girlfriend to the booth to witness her kiss her Finn, because if she doesn't really feel anything for Finn, she won't mind kissing him, right? Only when Finn and Quinn kiss, fireworks explode in the background, boosting the episodes Cliche Quota by one. Quinn's impressed and tells Finn to meet her in the auditorium the next day.

But after their auditorium make-out session, things go awry. Seems evil Santana went to a hospital and kissed a kid with mono just so she could then kiss Finn at the kissing booth, who would then give mono to Quinn, exposing Quinn's treachery. Oh, because merely catching them in the act and taking video on her cell would've been too complicated?

As Quinn and Finn wait for their parents to pick them up in the nurse's office, Quinn mulls the concept that she's only cheated twice in her life. Although, she's only in her teens, give her time. The first time she cheated she got pregnant, and the second time, she got mono. "I think the universe is trying to tell me something," she says. She tells Finn that there will be no more kissing until she figures out her true feelings about Sam. Or until the May sweep -- whichever comes first.

Tina and Mike Chang cuddle for Valentine's Day. (Fox)
Tina and Mike Chang

They're doing fine, except for the fact that Mike Chang makes Tina so happy she wants to cry. She literally collapses into a puddle of hysterical tears while performing "My Funny Valentine" for glee club. Mike comforts her, no one else seems quite as weirded out as we are.

Brittany and Artie

Also doing great - so much so that Artie and Mike Chang break it down to a version of Michael Jackson's "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" to celebrate how they're dating two of the hottest girls in school.

Santana alone. And finally realizes maybe it's bad that she says terrible things about everyone in glee club, though we take her point about Mr. Schue needing a 12-step program for his sweater vest obsession.

To mend everyone's heartbreak, Kurt, Blaine and the Warblers stage a lonely hearts club at Breadstix and serenade everyone -- even Santana -- with a lively version of "Silly Love Songs." She might be evil, and alone forever, but she can appreciate a good glee club performance.

Mr. Schue, Sue Sylvester and Coach Bieste's sad love lives were left out entirely. And that's the way we like it.

Set list:

"Fat Bottomed Girls" -- Queen
"P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" -- Michael Jackson
"When I Get You Alone" -- Robin Thicke
"My Funny Valentine" -- Babes in Arms
"Firework" -- Katy Perry
"Silly Love Songs" -- Wings

See for yourself:

"Fat Bottomed Girls"

"P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)"

"When I Get You Alone"

"My Funny Valentine"


"Silly Love Songs"

By Lisa de Moraes  | February 8, 2011; 10:30 PM ET
Categories:  Glee  
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In the last two episodes Blaine has had three songs, while Kurt has been relegated to back-up singer. What's up with that? And what's up with those awful red-trimmed balzers? Do the Warblers really have to wear them everywhere they go? No wonder poor Jeremiah was so scared.

Posted by: kbockl | February 9, 2011 8:34 AM | Report abuse

GREAT songs but this show is so Disney, Nicklelodeon and CORNY!!!! I keep forgetting this is the little blonde girls Justin Beiber era....boy I miss the days when my daughters worshipped LITTLE Usher hahahahaha

Posted by: MDlady2 | February 9, 2011 8:43 AM | Report abuse

@kbocki -- I actually like those kinds of blazers and wonder where in D.C. they can be found now that the one funky British store that used to be on 18th or 19th and L moved all the way out to Middleburg, Va. Boring plain suit jackets just don't do it anymore.

Posted by: bs2004 | February 9, 2011 9:49 AM | Report abuse

I do not understand the fascination with poorly lip synced TV drivel like this show. I'm sure the biggest fans watch all the "lets relive high school" shows and reality TV. Get off your can and go DO SOMETHING instead of sitting in front of the drug of the nation (breeding ignorance and feeding radiation - as in The Disposable Heroes of Hyphoprisy: Television).

Posted by: eDubfromKtown | February 9, 2011 10:20 AM | Report abuse

I, for one, sat on my can last night and enjoyed every minute of Glee. I will leave it to you eDubfromKtown to go out and DO SOMETHING. I have too much fun watching a great guilty pleasure to move, except when I'm up dancing ;)!

Posted by: viennamom22 | February 9, 2011 10:36 AM | Report abuse

@eDubfromKtown: And how would you know so much about this show......perhaps by watching the box you hate so much?

Posted by: AlfromAlexandria | February 9, 2011 10:43 AM | Report abuse

I had a blast watching last night's show! Best line of the night was when Santana was crying her eyes out in the hallway saying she trys to be nice to people, she really trys, but people suck. Hahahahahaha.
Love Glee, absolutely love Glee!

Posted by: MILWI | February 9, 2011 11:18 AM | Report abuse

Horrible show. Inconsistent writing, terrible acting from most of the cast, autotuned, overproduced musical numbers (dear god, why?? these people are from broadway, they don't NEED autotune). Someone deflate Ryan Murphy's ego, STAT.

Posted by: megantron | February 9, 2011 3:45 PM | Report abuse

@kbock-I totally agree. We haven't had a good song from Mercedes in weeks or a storyline in a year. How many times do we have to watch the Warblers singing a girl's song or that God-awful SQuinn couple singing simpy love songs. Let's have an episode where we give Mercedes some songs she can sink her teeth into rather than just giving her the last note of the song to remind us she's one of the best singers on the show.

Posted by: tlpatt70701 | February 9, 2011 5:41 PM | Report abuse

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