By Dan Froomkin
9:33 AM ET, 05/21/2009

Via U.S. News, Jimmy Fallon: "Both President Obama and Dick Cheney will give competing speeches tomorrow on national security and terrorism. It's kind of like 'American Idol' except one of them got voted off months ago."

Jay Leno: "Hey, President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. He's going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership."