Final Night at the Improv
Say what you will about perceived lack of focus or the way-too-playful nature of the Washington Wizards, but you really won't find a funnier locker room in the NBA. You'd think that in a season that eventually ended with a franchise-worst-tying 63 losses, there might be a time when the comedy routine is put too rest. Well, it wasn't last night.
The moment reporters stepped into the locker room before the Wizards lost to the Boston Celtics, we were treated to several rounds of humorous exchanges.
Caron Butler was getting stretched by head athletic trainer Eric Waters when he noticed that Oleksiy Pecherov was gulping orange slices with the efficiency of a Dirt Devil vacuum. Butler asked Pecherov why he was eating oranges in the first place.
"I like them. They are good for me," Pecherov said.
Then, Butler, Nick Young and JaVale McGee noticed how Pecherov was just plowing through the orange slices.
"Are you going to chew," Butler asked. "You're just inhaling them."
"Three chews does not count as digesting your food," McGee shouted.
Pecherov kept swallowing the oranges as if he was in a competitive eating event, until his teammates let him be.
Moments later, McGee picked up three oranges and started juggling them. (Who does that?) Anyway, while McGee was getting his juggle on, Gilbert Arenas and Brendan Haywood made their way into the locker room.
Arenas walked in and noticed that Antawn Jamison's clothes were placed in the prime, extra large, solo locker room spot near the door. Arenas stopped and looked at Jamison and said, "No."
"You're not sitting there, Gilbert," Jamison said. "My stuff is already there."
"We can move it," Arenas said.
"You better not touch my stuff," Jamison said as he grabbed a roll of tape from the training table.
"Gilbert," Jamison said, while Arenas grabbed a seat in Jamison's locker room stall.
Jamison did his best Randy Johnson and fired the tape at Arenas, but was a bit off target. Arenas grabbed Jamison's Louis Vuitton duffle bag, placed it in front of his chest and said, "Go ahead, hit the Louis."
"That was too light," Jamison said of the tape, as he rubbed his shoulder. "I almost threw my arm out. I need something heavier."
Jamison then told McGee to give him one of the oranges, because the tape wasn't going to get Arenas to move. Arenas eventually relented without Jamison having to resort to pelting him with oranges.
"I still remember what happened in my second year. But it won't happen again," Arenas said, reminding Jamison of how the Golden State veterans tossed Arenas in a tub of water when the two were with the Warriors. Arenas then ripped off his shirt and flexed. "I'm bigger."
"It'll be just like it was back then," Jamison said.
Another interesting scene was when the players were trying to determine who was going to play and who was going to sit out against the Celtics. Juan Dixon considered sitting out when JaVale McGee almost lost it.
"Bro, you got to play," McGee begged. "If you don't play, I won't get no shots."
Butler even thought about sitting out, but Darius Songaila begged him to play.
"You're not going to leave me with them," Songaila said, pointing to Nick Young and McGee.
With Jamison and Haywood already resting, the opportunistic Young realized that the fewer available players would give him a chance to start and shoot as often as he wanted. Young approached Butler and said, "All the other stars taking the night off. You don't want to be out there with me."
Butler just shook his head and walked away.
And like that, the show was over. Curtain closed.
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